Woman's Emotional Support Squirrel Delays Flight

I love animals, well pets anyway. I admire some wild animals, especially wolves. I abhor hunting and/or people who kill animals for fun. I don't view animals as assets to be cancelled when they cost too much. Down south I certainly wasn't the fellow tasked with taking the old faithful dog behind the shed and dispatching it with a mercy shot. Not me. But I still maintain that there is a qualitative difference, both moral and physical, between animals and humans. Humans shouldn't be needlessly cruel towards animals. Humans should accept that animals are not human. I love my dog. But my dog is a dog. It is not a human. Not every space is appropriate for a dog. Dogs possess viruses, parasites, and bacteria that are best left to dogs, not humans. Even the best behaved dog has some pretty nasty habits by human standards. 

I am generally skeptical of people claiming that they need emotional support animals at all times. I accept there might be a few children with serious medical issues who get some advantage from constantly having their animal around them. With a few exceptions I think that most adults who claim to need an emotional support animal would do better with a kick in the butt. And I feel that way about grown people who say that their dog is an emotional support animal. When it comes to adults arguing that their squirrel (!) is an emotional support animal, I have no sympathy. I don't want to be around rodents. And a squirrel, despite its fluffy tail and good pr, is a rodent. It's a rat with a press agent. So no, don't come to my house claiming that you just can't bear to be without your pet squirrel. That's nasty. I won't let you enter. Frontier Airlines apparently feels the same way. 

The woman who was escorted off her Frontier Airlines flight Tuesday after bringing her emotional support squirrel on board is speaking out against the airline. Cindy Torok told FOX 8 News Wednesday that she called the airline ahead of time to get clearance and even made it through TSA with her 11-week-old squirrel, Daisy, before the airline forced her to leave the plane. 

Stephen Colbert is a Tolkien Nerd

I don't watch a lot of television so I didn't know that Stephen Colbert was a fan of Chance the rapper, Gilbert and Sullivan patter songs, and J.R.R. Tolkien. Good man. You really should read The Silmarillion if you have the time. There's a lot of good stories contained within, including a fictionalized reworking of how Tolkien met and fell in love with his wife.

                      

Maine Moose Poop Artwork

This woman sounds exactly like a character out of a Stephen King novel. Her distinctive accent notwithstanding, I don't think I would want to purchase a damn thing that she's selling. Not one thing. But YMMV. I guess this is good old Yankee ingenuity and entrepreneurship in action. Stay classy Maine.

SOMERVILLE, Maine (WABI) - One person's trash is another's treasure.

There's a woman in Maine who sells arts and crafts that she makes in her own home that takes THAT saying to a whole new level. Mary Winchenbach became something of a viral sensation in the past few days following her stint at the Common Ground Fair.

There's a lot going on at her Somerville home. There are two adults, three kids, more than 60 animals, some fish, and a whole bunch of moose turds.
Winchenbach runs Tirdy Works, making artwork from the stuff moose leave behind. 

Random Rants

To most people and on most days I am a calm non-confrontational live and let live sort of fellow. Life is too short to be mean or angry all the time. I'm the guy who lets people merge on the expressway or allows someone with only a few items to cut in front of me at the grocery checkout lane. But there are some people or incidents that can work my proverbial last nerve and as my maternal relatives used to say, make me "lose my religion".

1) People who park or stand in front of LARGE no standing/no parking/fire lane signs or in handicapped spaces. If I were a cop I wouldn't ticket people for most minor infractions. Often a curt warning is enough to change behavior. But it takes a special sort of contempt for the law and everyone else to park in front of a sign that states no parking just because you don't feel like walking an extra few yards to whatever store you're patronizing. If I were a cop I would ticket everyone who did that. No exceptions. Forget about being polite. I would start by asking the driver "So are you stupid, illiterate or both?"  I have and had firefighters in my family. If there is a fire they really do need access to the fire lanes. Similarly if you're not handicapped then why the hell are you parking in a handicapped space. If it's that important to you, go have a horrific car accident or obtain some condition that leaves you enfeebled. I'm betting you would trade access to that handicapped space to have your full health and mobility back.

2) Grocery store clerks who are sick or have poor hygiene.  I'm picky about what I eat and what or who I have in my home. I know that we all have immune systems that work diligently to remove anything from our body that isn't us. But I say why give your white blood cells more work to do. With age our immune systems lose a step or two. Things they would have quickly eliminated in your youth can give them a run for the money when you're older. I don't like it when I'm in line to purchase groceries and the clerk who will handle my food is having a coughing or sneezing fit, picking her nose, scratching his private parts, digging in his ear, or taking out a visibly mucus soaked handkerchief to vigorously blow his nose right before reaching out to handle the food I intend to consume. If you're sick stay home. And if you need to do some personal grooming, please take a break to do that in private in the restroom.

Woman Falls Out of Moving Car Doing Dance Challenge

A body in motion stays in motion.
Stupidity is a building block of the universe.
Forget these natural laws and pay the price.

Samantha Bee Spoofs Dana Loesch

The NRA has largely won the national debate on gun restrictions for now. Things have trended away from tighter restrictions since the House and Senate decided not to pursue another Federal Assault Weapons ban. Especially since the election of Trump and appointment of presumably Second Amendment friendly federal judges, the NRA has walked an unsteady line between gloating triumphalism and its more natural default state of paranoid fears of gun confiscation and Caucasian extermination. You can't really drive up financial support for your agenda if you admit you've gotten most of what you want. So, the NRA in the presence of one Dana Loesch, recently put out an ad that was simultaneously a cultural and literal call to arms, a grievances list, a threat, a warning, and a reason why you [stink] rant aimed at anyone to the left of say Tucker Carlson. The ad was as much hilarious as it was a disturbing insight into the minds of those who would find the ad emotionally validating and intellectually convincing. 

The NRA released this ad before it became widespread public knowledge that Russia was supposedly attempting to use the NRA and other right leaning or conservative groups to sway American political and cultural opinion, or at least American right wing political opinion in a direction more amenable to Russian interests. Some white racists have indeed responded favorably to these overtures. One Russian who allegedly accepted this task was Maria Butina.

Maria Butina, whose years-long mission to build ties between Russia, the National Rifle Association and the Republican Party led to her arrest this week, has ties to Russian intelligence, federal prosecutors alleged on Wednesday.

Staying Awake At The Office

I think that many people can probably relate to the below video. Whether it's due to an overheated or underheated room, profoundly boring speakers or discussion topics, too much or too little to eat at lunch, advancing age, lack of sleep or just generalized frustration that their life is slowly being wasted on tedium, I have over the years seen more than a few people struggle to stay awake in corporate meetings. This has of course never ever ever happened to me because I am an enthusiastic corporate drone. Or something.

Music Reviews: Tom Lehrer

Tom Lehrer is a retired mathematician, satirist, parodist, writer, Army veteran, NSA agent and pianist. Among other things, he wrote music for the PBS show The Electric Company. Lehrer has a certain gift for finding absurdity in everyday life and a knack for writing songs with "blue" material but without any banned words. 

I first heard him on the Dr. Demento radio show, which I used to fall asleep listening to back in the days when dinosaurs roamed the earth. At the time I shared a bedroom with my younger brother who said then and maintains to this day that as oldest I got away with things which my parents would have shut down instantly had they known about, one of those things most definitely being the Dr. Demento show. Of course (1) you really shouldn't give credence to everything said by resentful younger siblings with questionable memories and (2) by today's standards the Dr. Demento show of the seventies and eighties is quite tame. And even back then Tom Lehrer was already something of an old fogie. He's been around a while. 

I enjoy Lehrer's musical and lyrical humor. Lehrer can occasionally evince something of a dirty mind (listen to I got it from Agnes and then listen to it again until you understand why Lehrer initially couldn't perform the song outside of adult nightclubs despite not using a single bad word). Lehrer usually expresses himself in a classy way with lots of did I really hear what I thought I heard plausible deniability.

I also like Lehrer's song The Elements, which lists all of the elements of the periodic table to the melody from Gilbert and Sullivan's Modern Major-General Song from The Pirates of Penzance. Some might say that you have to be slightly bent in your worldview to enjoy Lehrer's humor. I don't deny that he can appeal to the absurd, dark, cynical, and satyric that lurks within us but he also appeals to anyone who enjoys puns, wordplay and lyrical witticisms.

Former Caretaker Visits Rescue Dogs

Dogs are the most wonderful pets in the world. Absent allergies or other medical issues, I don't understand how anyone can't be a dog person. But it takes all kinds I guess. The below video shows how happy dogs can be to see someone they remember who treated them kindly.

You’ve probably heard the old saying, ‘dogs have no concept of time’. Some people believe that a dog can’t discern a minute from an hour, but this just isn’t true. Dogs simply remember differently than humans. If you’ve been gone for more than a day, expect a much happier reunion, than if you’d just stepped out for a couple hours.

Dogs are gifted creatures, able to catalog a myriad of scents and recognize faces. Imagine a situation where a former employee stops over for a visit at the Dogs Deserve Better rehab center. Upon his return, his dogs greet him as though he was absent for ages. This affection is a testament to the dogs’ incredible ability to recognize their master. Thanks to these canines’ olfactory memory, they remember scents long after they have been exposed to them, so they are able to associate him with his smell.

Goose Attacks Soldiers

I have a soft spot for most animals but the Canadian Goose doesn't make the cut as far as I am concerned. As I've written before they are nasty aggressive bullies, who if left unchecked, can make their surroundings unlivable for anyone who would rather not step in or inhale goose waste. I will grudgingly admit though that one of their saving graces is an ability to stand up to most other creatures in defense of their nests, mates, eggs or young. In Oklahoma, at the U.S. Army Base Fort Sill, a goose named Steve apparently thought that some soldiers were getting a little too close to his nest. And Steve shared his displeasure with the soldiers. I guess he showed them.

A security camera at Oklahoma's Fort Sill captured the moment a group of soldiers found themselves under attack from a territorial goose. Personnel at the U.S. Army post said a pair of geese nicknamed Steve and Brenda have been living outside a building at the facility for some time.

Barney Helps Women Get Their Groove Back

Remember Barney, the beatific purple dinosaur from the PBS kids show? Well for a little piece of change he'll do something strange with you, if you happen to be a woman that is. Barney does have standards you know. Like Marvin Gaye, Barney is providing some sexual healing to women in need, but for a fee.

The actor who starred as the cuddly T-Rex host of Nineties children's TV show Barney and Friends is now working as a Los Angeles tantric therapist, it has been revealed. American actor David Joyner, 52, told Vice that his decade-long stint playing a dancing purple dinosaur was helpful for his current career.

“The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” Joyner said. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love." Joyner only accepts female clients for his services, and charges $350 for a four-hour session. On his website, Joyner, a former software analyst offers clients the chance to reach "a higher and more blissful state of awareness [of their] sexuality."

According to Vice, Joyner believes this "blissful state" is best achieved through unprotected penetrative sex, and claims that condoms "block the energy".
Still, the power dynamic at play here between practitioner and client, healer and student, is hard to square for some. Laura Palumbo is the communications director with the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. She says a tantra session like Joyner’s that includes intercourse can muddy the waters of consent. “I think when we are looking at a scenario like this the goal is to not be sex negative," Palumbo tells VICE by phone. "But, taking a deeper look, it does seem like there are dynamics here that make it a little more complicated and less straightforward than two consenting adults."

Veterinarian Sign

I guess this local vet's sign is equally good advice for over excited puppies or older men suffering from prostate issues. In either event, though, I don't want to be the one tasked with clean up.

Happy Birthday in Classical Styles

The pianist Nicole Pesce provides a humorous demonstration of how various classical and baroque composers might have interpreted the song "Happy Birthday". It probably helps the listener to be a little familiar with the styles she's utilizing here but I think most people will recognize the different composer styles. Victor Borge also did a demonstration like this some years ago. Of course serious musicians may quibble as to whether Pesce's Mozart or Chopin was quite right but I think demonstrations like this aren't meant for serious musicians so much as they are aimed at people who enjoy music and like fun.

Dumb Man Cements Head Inside Microwave

It's one thing when young children or even teenagers do stupid things. We expect that. They don't have the life experiences that adults have. Their brains are still growing. They aren't old enough or smart enough for society to demand that they take full responsibility for their actions. But when adults do remarkably stupid things, I sometimes wonder if society wouldn't be better off letting the adult suffer the full consequences of his stupidity.

 A British YouTube prankster cemented his head inside a microwave, but the stunt backfired so badly that he almost died, and had to be rescued by the fire brigade. Jay Swingler originally planned to fill a store-bought microwave with quick-dry cement, bury his head in it, and wait for it to harden. He hoped to stay alive in the meantime by using a breathing tube in his mouth.
Five firefighters spent an hour working to release a YouTube prankster who cemented his head inside a microwave. The 22-year-old and a group of friends mixed seven bags of Polyfilla before they poured it around his head, which was protected by a plastic bag inside the appliance. Their intention was to use the microwave as a mould, and by the time emergency services arrived at 1.49pm on Wednesday to the garage of a house in Fordhouses, Wolverhampton, the group had already been trying to free him for 90 minutes.

The friends had managed to feed an air tube into the man's head to help him breathe.

Watch Commander Shaun Dakin, officer in charge of the West Midlands Fire Service crew who responded, said: "As funny as this sounds, this young man could quite easily have suffocated or have been seriously injured." He added: "Taking the microwave apart was tricky, because a lot of it was welded. "It took us nearly an hour to free him. All of the group involved were very apologetic, but this was clearly a call-out which might have prevented us from helping someone else in genuine, accidental need.

Right. Let me stick my head into a metal box filled with quick dry cement. What could go wrong? I am friends with and related to some people who are or have been first responders. I am 100% certain that all of them would have done their duty and attempted to help this foolish man who cemented his head inside of a microwave. They take their jobs pretty seriously. They're in the business of saving lives and property. I am also pretty sure that at least some of them would have briefly thought to themselves "Well he got himself in there. He can get himself out!" 

LINK  LINK

EMU Football Poster

Sometimes ideas are better in the concept phase then they are in the execution and delivery phase. It happens. No big deal. You can't necessarily figure out ahead of time how everyone will react and respond to your idea, particularly if you are trying to sell something. Everyone has different initial reactions to ideas and visual displays. If you are a member of the Eastern Michigan Hurons football team posing for a poster touting your upcoming fall schedule you probably want to channel the pride and fury of such former EMU (and NFL) football players such as John Banaszak, Charlie Batch, Vashone Adams, T.J. Laing,  and Darius Jackson among others. You want to impress and excite with your passion and strength. You want to get everyone fired up for the season! You want people to come see you do your thing on the field as you layeth the smackdown on your opponents.
Well.

Jimmy Fallon and Celine Dion Do Musical Impressions

I don't watch a lot of television. And I'm not really a Fallon or Dion fan. So even though this was an old bit it was new to me when I ran across it on Facebook a few weeks back. I thought it was funny enough. It's amusing to see how professional singers interpret other professionals' signature cadences and moves. I don't follow Cher or Rihanna but it seems to me that Dion did a passable imitation of them both.

Donald Trump Jr. and Fredo Corleone

You may have heard that Donald Trump's oldest son, Donald Jr. has changed his story multiple times about meeting with a Kremlin linked Russian lawyer to discuss damaging negative information on Hillary Clinton and how best the Trump Campaign could use it. This contradicts both President Trump's statements about possible collusion between his campaign and Russians as well as other definitive statements made by various Trump surrogates. As previously stated though, it is up to the Republican House and Senate whether to impeach and convict President Trump. To say the least that seems extremely unlikely. Even so, it's probably a pretty fair bet that other powerful people within the Trump Administration/Organization aren't too happy with Donald Jr. right about now. With apologies to Francis Ford Coppola perhaps the discussion among the Trump siblings went a little something like this.

Donald Jr. : “I didn’t know the media and DOJ would use this info about my Russia meeting to hurt Dad. I swear to God I didn’t know. Believe me.”

Ivanka: “Just tell us what happened, Donnie.”

Donald Jr. : “I ran into Natalia on a hunting trip in South Africa. She said that Dad was having some trouble with Hillary, that Hillary was being really tough, that Dad might need some help in the general election. She said I could help out Dad and that there might be something in it for me. On my own. And it would be good for the entire family.”

Eric: “And you believed that?”

Bear Wants Brownies

In literature the cute bears Paddington and Winnie the Pooh are always on the lookout for marmalade and honey, respectively. Neither one is rude or capable of doing harm to anyone. The harshest thing that Paddington will do to you if you get on his nerves is give you a hard stare. But in real life bears are not small, cute and cuddly. They don't ask politely for what they want. And what they want apparently isn't marmalade but brownies. A woman in Connecticut was baking brownies when one of the local fauna apparently caught the scent of the chocolate goodness and decided it wanted some.  AVON, CT (WFSB) -
Avon residents called police after a bear tried to get into a home this weekend and one neighbor got the whole incident on camera. Neighbors talking to 911 dispatch stated that the bear was trying to gain access into a home on Stagecoach Road. "My neighbor across the street just came over in a panic. She's a little old lady, screaming that a bear got on the back porch and is slamming on her glass door," one call to 911 stated. Members of Department of Energy and Environmental Protection were called to the scene. They said a bear "spent considerable time on a deck and was reluctant to leave." This incident was especially terrifying for the female homeowner who was baking brownies as the bear pressed up against her glass door.

Babies Eating Lemons For First Time

This is a pretty clear example of why it's remarkable that any kids ever trust adults. People say that when life gives you lemons make lemonade. I say why would someone you trust give you a lemon to eat in the first place? That right there would ruin my faith in parents.😱 Are there any foods you won't eat under any circumstances?

Cuba Gooding and Sarah Paulson: Inappropriate?

One of my favorite comedians was the English humorist and variety show host Benny Hill. A regular show gag was the extent to which men would go to get a gander at women. It didn't much matter whether the women were partially dressed or completely undressed (the latter was never shown on the show-just implied). Men just liked to look. Men would make utter fools of themselves doing so. This was all done for laughs. Hill's brand of admittedly oft puerile humor fell out of style in the eighties with an ascendant feminist movement. Recently the actors Cuba Gooding Jr. and Sarah Paulson touched on this style of humor when, at an event for American Horror Story, Gooding attempted to lift up Paulson's dress. At the time of this post I don't know if this was a spontaneous prank on Gooding's part, something pre-planned by both Gooding and Paulson, or some sort of in character reference to their roles on the show, but Paulson didn't appear to take offense. She just slapped Gooding's hands away. But we live in the age of the internet and twitter so of course there were plenty of people who rushed to take offense on Paulson's behalf.

It turns out Cuba Gooding Jr is a dickhead who has no respect for women. He had absolutely no right to lift Sarah Paulson's dress like it 😡😡

— Rebecca O'Keeffe (@RebeccaOkeeffe5) March 27, 2017

anyone wanna help me choke @cubagoodingjr with a chainsaw

— kommissar (@choirgirI) March 27, 2017

Cuba Gooding Jr. is a creep.

— Karolina Molina (@KarolinaVega) March 27, 2017