Random Rants

To most people and on most days I am a calm non-confrontational live and let live sort of fellow. Life is too short to be mean or angry all the time. I'm the guy who lets people merge on the expressway or allows someone with only a few items to cut in front of me at the grocery checkout lane. But there are some people or incidents that can work my proverbial last nerve and as my maternal relatives used to say, make me "lose my religion".

1) People who park or stand in front of LARGE no standing/no parking/fire lane signs or in handicapped spaces. If I were a cop I wouldn't ticket people for most minor infractions. Often a curt warning is enough to change behavior. But it takes a special sort of contempt for the law and everyone else to park in front of a sign that states no parking just because you don't feel like walking an extra few yards to whatever store you're patronizing. If I were a cop I would ticket everyone who did that. No exceptions. Forget about being polite. I would start by asking the driver "So are you stupid, illiterate or both?"  I have and had firefighters in my family. If there is a fire they really do need access to the fire lanes. Similarly if you're not handicapped then why the hell are you parking in a handicapped space. If it's that important to you, go have a horrific car accident or obtain some condition that leaves you enfeebled. I'm betting you would trade access to that handicapped space to have your full health and mobility back.

2) Grocery store clerks who are sick or have poor hygiene.  I'm picky about what I eat and what or who I have in my home. I know that we all have immune systems that work diligently to remove anything from our body that isn't us. But I say why give your white blood cells more work to do. With age our immune systems lose a step or two. Things they would have quickly eliminated in your youth can give them a run for the money when you're older. I don't like it when I'm in line to purchase groceries and the clerk who will handle my food is having a coughing or sneezing fit, picking her nose, scratching his private parts, digging in his ear, or taking out a visibly mucus soaked handkerchief to vigorously blow his nose right before reaching out to handle the food I intend to consume. If you're sick stay home. And if you need to do some personal grooming, please take a break to do that in private in the restroom.

What a Friend we have in Dog

On the weekends I run many different errands. Over the past weekend I stopped at the vet to retrieve some medicine and specialty food for my German Shepherd. While I sat in the reception room waiting for my order to be fulfilled, I noticed that there was another gentleman there with his dog. His dog was a male 14 year-old Beagle. That is positively ancient for just about any dog. This Beagle was completely blind. He had suffered some sort of disease that required his eyes to be removed. The medicine (or maybe it was just the age and stress of surgery) had also caused his fur to turn completely white. Nevertheless despite his advanced age and blindness the beagle was still lively, running around to sniff everything. Obviously this was a bit problematic because he would often bump into things or me. This is probably why his owner had the Beagle wrapped in a thick doggy-sweater in order to minimize bruising. Talking to the owner I could see that he had a lot of love for his dog. He described changes that he and his family had made to their daily routine, two story house and yard in order to ensure that their dog could go about his daily affairs with a minimum of discomfort. The man's face shone with love for his pet. I thought this was interesting because in the old days for many people dogs were more utilitarian than they are today. Down south my grandfather had Beagles which he used to assist him in hunting. I don't think people forty or fifty years ago would have been willing to spend thousands or even hundreds of dollars on extreme health measures for an old dog. People probably would have done a quick cost-benefit analysis which placed high emphasis on the costs and not so much on the benefit to the dog. Obviously veterinary science has improved since the sixties but even so we view our pets differently than we used to do. This man was willing to spend no small amount of money on surgeries and medicine to save his dog's life and ensure that his dog would be as comfortable as possible in the short time that remained to it. I think that is a good thing.

Although we may view our pets more favorably than we used to it seems as if police officers are more frequently looking for reasons to shoot and kill our pets. There is a continuous stream of stories about police officers shooting dogs on private property regardless of whether the officer is in danger of being bitten or not. I think too many police officers get off not just on killing animals but from the pure power rush of messing with people. Society needs to do a better job of screening people who apply for any job where the worker can exercise legal or physical power over other citizens. The Hupp family called the police to their property to deal with a dispute with a neighbor. Apparently the police officer doesn't like dogs. Tiffanie Hupp ran to stand in front of a police officer who was on the verge of casually shooting her family's chained dog, after the dog ran towards the police officer. The police officer attacked and arrested Mrs. Hupp. She was charged with obstruction of justice. She went to trial after refusing a plea deal. The officer lied and claimed that Mrs. Hupp menaced him with a crossbow, something which the video clearly shows was not the case. Fortunately Mrs. Hupp was acquitted of the false charges. Even more fortuitously she wasn't shot. It should be clear to most rational people by this time that there is a culture of bullying and sadism that occurs in too many police departments. I suppose what you think of Mrs. Hupp's actions depend at least in part on what you think of dogs. I don't think that volunteering to sacrifice your life for that of your dog is a particularly smart move but neither could I stand by and watch some preening thug with a badge kill my dog just because he felt like it. Something would have to be done right then and there. The fact that the officer was going to shoot Mrs Hupp's dog and tried to confiscate anything which could have been used to record his actions shows once again that too many cops use their badge not to serve the public but to bully it. The fact that Mrs. Hupp was willing to risk her life to save her dog and prevent her children from seeing the dog killed shows once again how much people love their dogs.

A West Virginia woman who stood between her dog and a cop who was about to shoot it was acquitted by a jury of obstruction charges on February, 29th, 2016. West Virginia state trooper Seth Cook testified that he was not afraid of the dog, but was following training that required him to kill all dogs that approach him, even if it was chained and wagging its tail as Buddy was doing in this case. 

And because Tiffanie Hupp tried to stop him from doing so, she was arrested...
Cook had just talked to her neighbor’s and had stepped onto her family’s property when Buddy began barking and approaching the officer, reaching the end of its chain.That’s when Hupp’s husband, Ryan Hupp, 25, began recording.
“If it wasn’t for him recording, there’d be nothing,” Hupp said.“He knew about police brutaty before I did. But that’s why the camera is shaking, because of the adrenaline. When they read those words ‘not guilty’, we were relieved. It’s hard to describe the feeling unless it’s actually happening to you. Justice is good, though.”

As Buddy approached and began barking at Cook, he pulled out his gun on the dog. And that’s when Hupp stood between the two.

Spring Finally Arrives!

"This is no thaw. This is spring. What are we to do? Your winter has been destroyed I tell you!"-The Dwarf in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Although fall is my favorite season by a huge margin I also enjoy spring, at least the early part of spring. It's good to live in a country or an area which has four well defined seasons. I like that. And I like spring. From a purely prosaic standpoint spring usually means a (not large enough) pay raise/bonus and the ability to turn off the gas heat in my house. Both of those things mean more money in my pocket which is a good thing. Obviously there's a lot more that's good about spring that has nothing to do with greenbacks. Another great feature of spring is that the ice, snow and cold of winter has departed or is about to depart. Walking through the cool streets early in the morning all you hear is the sound of water from the melted snow rushing through the sewer system. Your vehicle is no longer encrusted with all the salt, muck and mud of the Midwest winter. You can venture outside without having to wrap yourself up in layers of clothing. You can stay outside without wondering if you're putting yourself at risk of frostbite or fever. Many birds have come back; those who never left are more vocal. Spring is that sweet spot where it's cool enough so that no one is running around reeking of sweat and funk but warm enough so that you can enjoy the feeling of the sun on your skin. Sunshine is the best way to ensure that you're getting your vitamin D, after all. And that is very important for your health. There's something to be said for clean air and sunshine.
The insects have not yet reached the numbers that they will later in the summer.  You don't have to cut the grass every three to five days like you do in the summer. You can spend your weekends or evenings planting shrubs or bulbs. With any luck the flora that you plant will survive the summer heat and even the eventual fall and winter to come. And if you're still above ground a year from now you can sit on your stoop and watch that plant be reborn next spring. There's something satisfying about that. Kids are running around laughing and jumping in puddles. It's time to air your home out and give it a nice cleaning. You made it past another winter. If you look around you'll see trees starting to bud and plants pushing their way up through the topsoil. 

If you happen to be a person who is concerned with your health or perhaps someone who is just vain (and most of us fall into at least one of those two categories) spring could be the perfect time to take up that new running, walking or jogging program that you've been thinking about. Drop that winter weight. Get outside and enjoy life. The days are longer. The primary emotion that I experience during spring is optimism. That is after I deal with the man-made foolishness of daylight savings time. Why we haven't tossed that idea in the dustbin yet is something that confuses me. But leaving that silliness alone there's a lot to look forward to in spring. You have flowers, rain, baseball starting up, sunshine without too much heat and just oodles of good things going on around if you deign to look up from your daily labor and experience all that life has to offer. After all some day you won't have that opportunity. But be sure that while you're out and about frolicking and celebrating another season of renewal and rebirth that you're careful where you walk. Perhaps my area is just disproportionately populated by scofflaws but I have noticed that many of my fellow dog owners seem to feel that it's okay not to pick up after their furry friends during winter. Well that stuff doesn't just break down in a few months. It's still there in all its glory just waiting for an unwary person to step right in it. And spring or not, that will temporarily ruin your day. You may find yourself using invective and vituperation you had forgotten you knew. But that unfortunate possibility aside, I love spring.

I feel that spring is coming on/I feel it all in my bones
A feeling that no one can explain so all I can do is call it spring
Everything about me is fine/I feel so happy all the time
All year long I've been so blue/But now this spring will send me to you
Little Milton-Spring

Politeness takes a beating

We've talked previously about how politeness and chivalry are wasted on some people. Case in point, recently I went to a doctor's appointment. The admitting nurse took notes and asked me questions as nurses are wont to do. Now it's important to point out for reasons that become important later in the paragraph that this nurse was obviously significantly older than I am. She might not have been of an age with my mother's or father's generation but she wasn't that far from it either. As most people who know me offline would tell you I am normally nothing if not polite. When I was raised I was trained and expected to ALWAYS say sir and ma'am to my parents. Not doing so was a sign of grave disrespect. And if you were a child in their house you did not want to disrespect my parents. Outside the house I might occasionally throw in a sir or ma'am to an older person with whom I was interacting but unlike with my parents THAT honorific was optional. It depended on if I was in a good mood or the older person was being polite or if I knew their last name and could instead call them Mr. or Mrs. so-n-so or a million other reasons or no reason at all. Spending time down south with my maternal relatives made me even more polite because my grandfather usually said sir or ma'am to everyone, old or young. So being the polite man that I am I answered one of the nurse's questions with "no ma'am".
Well.
Judging by the nostril flaring firestorm that ensued that was a mistake.
"Why are you calling me ma'am?"
"Huh?!!!"
"I'm not THAT old."
"That's offensive!"
And blah blah blickety blah. Rinse wash repeat. Alrighty then.

Now I won't say what I was thinking that I SHOULD have called this woman after this little display but I did think that this was a humorous example of exactly why politesse and chivalry may be on the decline if they are. There are simply too many people who have made it crystal clear that they value and desire neither. If I call someone sir or ma'am it's not a negative value judgment on their age but merely a signal of respect. But if strangers don't appreciate that then that is fine. I just think it's a shame when people look for offense in everything or can't appreciate good manners. But whatever. It's the world in which we live.

Why Fall Is My Favorite Season!

What does fall or autumn mean to you? Fall is my favorite season. I think this could be some ancient preference encoded in my DNA. Fall means that another year's harvest has been successfully gathered. It's time to reap in the bounty and get ready for winter. Fall means that I no longer have to mow the lawn every four or five days. That's great because I can save some time on the weekends or weekday evenings for more important things. The cooler weather means I can stop running the home air conditioning. I don't usually turn the heat on until sometime in mid November. So there is a two to three month period where my electric and heating bills are extremely low. Money saved always makes me happy. Fall means gray skies, rain and overcast days but it can also provide sunny days which lack summer's overwhelming heat and humidity. There's nothing worse than working in a building during the summer when the central air fails and you swiftly become aware of the unpleasant aromas arising from your fellow human beings. And they would likely say the same about you. Summer can be just sort of a stinky season all day every day, particularly if you have to work outside, work with people who don't believe in deodorant or your job requires constant movement. Fall stops that from happening. In fall you no longer have the irritating experience of running your home AC all day long only to see the inside temperature stubbornly remain around 74 degrees. 

While even someone like myself who generally dislikes summer must admit there is something comforting about walking thru the neighborhood on a summer night and hearing the low hum of crickets chattering to each other I find it is even more enjoyable to walk thru that same neighborhood on a fall night and hear silence. The days get shorter. Things get cooler. You can actually think. I get more energized in both my work life and personal life. It's easier to fall asleep and stay asleep. There's something special about getting the house ready for winter. You must make sure that you, your home and loved ones are all prepared for the approaching ice, snow and cold. Did you replace that warped door? Will that window frame make it through the winter? Fall means trips to apple orchards for apple fritters, various fruit pies, hayrides, syrup, apple cider, apple juice, applesauce, hard candies, brownies and of course apples! There's very little you can't make with apples. You can learn a lot about the food chain by taking some trips to farms and farmer's markets. Although I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have accompanying my father on Saturday morning trips to Eastern Market was fun. I think it's important to see where our food comes from. Unfortunately no matter where you live it has become more difficult to do this but the fall apple harvest makes me feel more connected to the food chain, even if this is an illusion sold by corporate agribusiness. Fall means football. Whether it's going to see your nephew or cousin play in a high school game, hearing people pound the drums on Friday night for the upcoming college game on Saturday or settling in to watch the NFL games on Sunday, watching football remains an exciting activity for me. Football is my favorite sport. 

I think that the greatest benefit of fall, particularly if you live in a continental climate such as any part of the Midwest or most of the northern US, is the changing colors of the trees. Just like humans and other animals, the trees are shutting down food production and storing energy for the winter ahead. We benefit from seeing all the crazy colors produced during this process. Although I am not a photographer sometimes I can't help but stop to take pictures of the wondrous changes occurring all around us. Eventually there is a bleakness to fall, a time when all the leaves have fallen off the trees but the snow has yet to arrive. Everything is just gray. Nevertheless, I even like that time. I have never understood why anyone needs mood altering substances, legal or otherwise, when there is just so much natural beauty out there. If you are a busy person climbing the corporate ladder and working 80 hours a week or if you are someone who works 100 hours a week but already has the corner office, fancy title and income because you're the smartest or biggest wolf in the pack I still hope that you take time out from your busy day as Master/Mistress of the universe to marvel at the elegance and artistry that is nature. Because one day sooner than you might think you won't be able to do that. So what are you waiting for? Get off the computer, go out and enjoy the world already!

Do the Right Thing!

Do you think you are a moral person? You probably do. There are very few people who consciously think of themselves as evil, immoral or heartless. Even people who kill puppies for a living usually have what they see as good reasons for doing so. From time to time we all have to make decisions, some small and some large about what sort of people we are. Generally these are not difficult and life altering major decisions like telling your dying friend that his wife cheated on him and he has been raising another man's children or escaping a sinking ship and realizing that the lifeboat only has enough room for two other people when you have three kids. All the same morals are morals no matter how minor the decisions seem to be. The choices we make in situations both big and small define the sort of people that we are trying to become. There aren't necessarily right answers to many of these questions but there are probably some answers that may seem right to you. Some questions are purely hypothetical; others are drawn from real life experiences, albeit not necessarily mine. What's the right thing to do in the following ten situations?

One
You're out in public. You notice that a highly attractive member of the opposite sex has some writing on a body part normally not visible to the general public. This could be a very important message. If this person didn't wish for you to read the writings on their (insert body part here) they wouldn't have ventured out dressed as they did, would they? So what do you do? Avert your eyes? Take a quick look and move on? Openly leer? Politely inform the person that they are showing more flesh than they may realize? Or saunter over to ask the person what the message says as you can't quite make it out from your vantage point? 

Two
You are with your unmarried significant other at an important family event. You think that s/he could be the ONE. This is your first chance to make an impression on their family. Your honey's parent makes an offhand comment to you on a sensitive topic (race/religion/culture/politics) that makes you see red. You wonder how a person this stupid manages to dress themselves every morning. But your special rider thinks their parent hung the moon. S/he told you beforehand that their parent had different views than you. S/he asked you to be nice. Arguing with their parent might destroy your relationship with Miss/Mr. Wonderful. So what do you do? Do you pretend agreement? Say nothing? Gracefully change the subject? Or let this ignoramus know how dumb they are? Would your answer change if you were married?

Three
At the grocery store you buy something cheap. The cashier makes a mistake. He returns too much change. E.g, he gives you back two $10 bills when your expected change was $2.10. Do you point out the mistake and return the money? Or do you take the money and keep it moving? After all it's not your fault he can't count.

Four
You're on a company critical project. You discover a catastrophic flaw. You need time to correct the problem. You may need to redesign everything. Without a fix you KNOW there will be massive failures, bad publicity, legal consequences, and increased costs. You tell your boss. Your boss says the project has been delayed long enough. She insists that you cut corners to make the target date. She doesn't trust your analysis. She says any problems can be fixed later. This is not a debate. She informs you that you will meet the date. She warns you against going to upper management, ownership or the press. The boss says this issue is closed. All she wants to hear from you is "Yes. We will meet the date". Getting on her bad side is a career limiting move. She has a long memory and highly placed friends throughout the company. So what do you do?

Five
You're attending a company training event. This week long class is required for your next promotion. You must create and deliver a multimedia presentation on various business cases. The instructor wants teamwork. He has randomly assigned everyone partners. The instructor will judge you on the final presentation and on cooperation with your partner. Your partner is a man infamous throughout the entire department for ignoring basic American hygiene. He last showered during the Clinton Administration. Soap, toothpaste, deodorant and daily clothing changes are foreign concepts to him. He can make you nauseous. The other students know this and definitely won't switch partners with you. What do you do? Grit it out without complaining? Tell the instructor that you can't work with this person? Or angrily tell Mr. Skunk that unused soap is worthless soap?

Six
A good friend has privately told you that the thrill is gone from their marriage. He or she is cheating. They are entirely unrepentant. Their spouse is completely clueless and still believes that Mr./Mrs. Cheater is wonderful. The cheater just wanted to vent. They don't want their spouse to know. They don't want THAT headache right now, especially since they're on their way to the no-tell motel. You are also REALLY good friends with their spouse and routinely see them, both with and without their adulterous other half. The faithful spouse believes that you are righteous. They would see your silence as a horrible betrayal. So what do you do? Mind your own business and let grown people work it out? Tell the other spouse what's going on?

Seven
You're at an impasse on a work assignment. Your task must be completed tomorrow but that looks unlikely. Your boss has gone home. There is another more experienced, higher ranking person who could immediately provide the solution. However, in the past when you asked him for help, he made a Broadway production of how busy he was. He said that if you wanted him to do your job for you then he wanted your salary. He ultimately gave you the answer you needed but not without a humiliating dressing down disguised as humor. You can ask him for assistance, eat a big load of crap, get the answers you need and meet deadlines. Or you can continue to fly solo. You'll stay late and will probably miss your project time commitments anyway even if you do eventually find the answer. Your boss will be VERY upset with you if you miss your deadlines. So what do you do?

Eight
Walking through a grocery store aisle you see a person knock an entire section of items off the shelf. They do not put anything back on the shelf and just continue on their way. What do you do? Do you also ignore the items on the floor because you didn't create the mess. Do you confront the person who knocked the items over? Do you start putting things back yourself?

Nine
You have a valuable investment. Selling it won't permit you to retire but you will be able to improve your savings, carry out some home improvement projects, and provide seed capital for your long postponed Evil Overlord project to rule the world. But before selling the asset and admiring your fat wallet you learn that a close family member (but not your spouse/sibling/parent) is in a serious financial jam. Rescuing them will cost roughly the expected profit from your asset sale. Do you help your kin? It will take years to recoup the lost cash. Do you stick to your original plans? Would your answer change if it were a first degree relative?

Ten

You've had a long hard day at work. You're dead on your feet. You're taking crowded public transportation home. You're about 20 minutes away from your stop. Fortunately you found a seat. Standing people are packed together like sardines. A visibly pregnant woman gets on the vehicle. There are no open seats. No one offers her a seat. She's in front of you. She's not verbally asking for your seat but she is making eye contact with you. Do you offer your seat? Is your answer dependent on your age or gender?

Does Your Parachute Work?

Things are finally looking up for me financially. Nevertheless I still operate on a thinner margin than I would like. It's taken hard work to get where I am and will take more hard work to get where I want to be. Bad decisions made years ago have ripples down through the decades. There's nothing I can do about that except live and learn. I was reminded of all this recently while I was stopped at two different expressway exit ramps, watching two different young men hold up signs asking for help. They avoided eye contact and I'm sorry to say so did everyone else. They had what appeared to be their worldly belongings in either a milk carton or a backpack. Of course you see people like this all of the time and unfortunately you get used to it. Some people make bad decisions in life. There's plenty of work if you aren't lazy. It's not my problem. There's a decent safety net. Maybe those people all have substance abuse problems. And so on. Those are the things we privately tell ourselves in order remain convinced that WE would never fall so low as to be begging on the street.

But recent unfortunate events in my personal circle of family/friends and the news that the income gap between the richest 1% and everyone else has grown to the widest ever and that even the top 10% are also taking more than half of total income, also a record, have made me wonder (and will hopefully make you wonder), does your parachute really work? How easy is it to find another job that pays the same or more as the one you currently have? How far are you really, from begging strangers for money? 

Let's say you work for someone else. If that person died, transferred or retired, just how safe is your job? I've had the experience of a new boss arriving and wanting to hire and promote his or her own people. Depending on company culture, holdovers from the old regime might just be fired on the spot or not so subtly harassed until they transfer or quit. If your company decides that your services could be better and more cheaply performed by someone else, whether in this country or even overseas, there might not be any hint of change, just a terse email and a humiliating walk-out by company security. I've seen that happen too. It's also true that by the time you reach your forties and fifties and are at or near your maximum earning potential you are also a tempting target for a firm looking to save on salary and benefits or bring in younger and more malleable workers. If you work for yourself and make a mistake in business plan or your leverage you could also lose everything and watch your company go belly up. In any case no matter what happens to you the world will keep on turning. There are very very very few people on this planet who care quite as much about your well being as you do yourself. Because ultimately it's your life. You are the person who will reap the benefits or bear the costs of choices that you make.

If whatever you do today for money was no longer viable starting tomorrow, just how long would it be before you were on the street asking for money. My macho pride says that would never ever ever happen to me. I'm a (insert family name) and WE don't do that. But sometimes I'm not so sure. No one can see the future. Whether it's medical bills, lawsuits, divorce, bad personal habits, deaths, job loss there's always something that hits you when you least expect it. There are numerous calamities that could wipe out whatever financial stability you've attained. Winter is coming for us all. We don't know exactly when but it is coming. Count on it.

Now there are also tons of ways to deal with this risk and we've discussed some of them before. Spending less than you earn and saving the difference is the number one solution. Playing your cards right and regularly saving your money immediately after entering the workforce can give you a nice little nest egg by the time you hit your late thirties, forties and fifties and presumably start to slow down a little. Starting a side business is a great way to bring some extra income into your pockets. Keeping your skills up to date, staying in touch with close friends and family, avoiding or limiting consumer debt and getting married are also helpful. Divorce is obviously a big risk but having a second income and/or a second pair of hands to perform tasks you otherwise would have to spend time and money on is a huge advantage of marriage.

Still although it is ultimately on the individual to find his way through life I can't help but wonder if the changes we've made in our political economy over the past forty to fifty years have really helped more people than they've hurt. The economy is a man made entity. We can make changes in how we do things. There's not any good reason that we have to accept that the work participation rate in the US is at a 35 year low. Whatever bad decisions a particular homeless person might have made they did so against the backdrop of a US economy that is not producing enough jobs for everyone who wants one. But on my own I can't change that. I would need your help and that of millions more. But I can change my financial situation. To do that I need the help of much fewer people. So that's what I try to do.

Questions

If after you read this your current income was abruptly eliminated what would you do?

How long could you survive at current spending habits without income?

Do you have people who'd be willing to support you? How long? Indefinitely?

Do you have sympathy for the homeless? Do you give money? Volunteer at shelters?

Dwight Howard and Criticism

Dwight Howard decided to leave the LA Lakers to take less money with the Houston Rockets. While there were quite legitimate basketball related reasons behind this move statements from both Laker partisans and Howard himself suggest that Howard was not ready for the LA spotlight or for the occasionally pointed and direct criticism from fellow Laker and famously intense competitor, Kobe Bryant.

I don't like criticism that much. I don't know many people who actually do like criticism. It can hurt your ego when someone explores your shortcomings. The critic's tone and who they are can outweigh their valid content. It's one thing when someone who is more successful or experienced than you in your chosen field and/or has the authority to oversee your work gives you some pointers. It's a different matter entirely when a person who has been homeless for a decade starts lecturing you on your career or finances. A firm and fair critique or a blunt discussion behind closed doors resonates with me more than a person who, when pointing out something wrong or dumb I'm doing feels the need to a) inform the entire world and b) throw in gratuitous insults about my intelligence, competence or immutable attributes. Ideally, both the person giving the criticism and the target of the critique should separate the criticism from the person.

However, usually without someone to push you, you simply can't grow. You'll constantly make the same mistakes. That's true in both personal and business relationships. You need honest feedback that lets you know where, to use corporate speak, you have "room for growth". So even though I dislike criticism, I've occasionally sought it out. If I know what my weaknesses are hopefully I can make changes to develop in a positive direction. This means checking my ego and investigating if the criticism is valid and useful. That's more important (usually) than the tone or motivation.

Growing takes work and sacrifice. Often people who are the best in their field aren't super patient with those who haven't done the work. There's a reason for the saying "Nice guys finish last". Isiah Thomas was a ferocious competitor who didn't mind starting fights or finishing them. Magic Johnson might have had a famous smile but he would also give you a forearm to the throat if you came down the lane. Larry Bird would talk trash all day long while dropping a triple double on you. Was there any NBA player who hated losing or lack of preparation more than Michael Jordan? He could make grown men cry with his verbal attacks. He bullied and sometimes punched teammates. LeBron James may not appear as relentless as Jordan but that doesn't stop him from giving Mario Chambers extended harsh public corrections. These men and others like them required the best each day from their teammates. And they demanded better tomorrow. They wanted to win. People in different disciplines had that same drive. Whether it was James Brown fining musicians for fumbled notes, late arrivals and unshined shoes or Jimi Hendrix yelling at Dave Mason "Why can't you get it right?" when recording "All Along the Watchtower", the best of the best (with some notable exceptions) are often perfectionists.Even if they're soft-spoken or non-confrontational, top performers will call you out for mistakes.

How much criticism can you take? That's different for everyone. I have had occasion to give but more often receive criticism. If one can put a wall around their ego and try not to take (or give) things personally criticism can be quite useful. Sometimes there is no time to sugarcoat things. Your program works or it doesn't. Your project is on time, in scope and within budget or it's not. The higher the stakes are, the less inclined people will be to care about hurting your widdle feelings. I think, given the statements by Shaq, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Magic, that Dwight Howard might have made a mistake in letting his ego and pride interfere with becoming a better basketball player. That's easy for me to say because I don't have Kobe Bryant in my face screaming that I ran the play wrong or running me down on the team flight. Still, no one said becoming a champion would be easy. If I'm Dwight Howard, I must consider how badly I want success. What will I do to win that championship. Maybe hearing crap from a past his prime Kobe is not worth it. Maybe Kobe is done. Nevertheless when people of the calibre of Magic Johnson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Shaq, and Kobe all question your work ethic, skills and approach, maybe you should listen.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar speaks on Dwight.

Did you work with Dwight Howard? “No. I had a real good meeting with him when he first came to L.A. He was like, ‘Yeah,’ but that was the last time I spoke with him. . .He’s charming, he’s charismatic, very nice young man. Maturity wise, he doesn’t get it.

”Imagine if you could teach Howard the sky hook. “At least he’d have an offensive move. He gets the ball on offense, oh, my god, he doesn’t know what to do. It’s usually a turnover, people come and take the ball from him or tie his arms up. Offensively, he doesn’t get it. Hasn’t made any progress. We (the Lakers when Kareem was an assistant coach) played them in ‘09, and when I saw him this past season, he was the same player.”

Dwight Responds to critics

What did you think of Kobe Bryant’s comments that he could teach you how to be a winner? DH: “He didn’t say anything of that sort. People twisted a lot of stuff that he said. But in my personal opinion, I’m a winner. I’m a winner because I’ve been playing for nine years when the average career for an NBA player is three years. I’m a winner because I made it to the NBA from a small school in Atlanta, GA, with 16 people in a class. I’m a winner because I’m succeeding in life. I’ve had problems and I’m not better than the next man, but I’m going to push myself to be a winner when it comes to winning a championship. But he didn’t say anything like that and a lot of people twisted what he did say.”

QUESTIONS

1) How well do you take criticism?

2) Can you recall criticism in your job or other arenas that actually helped you?

3) If someone who dislikes you gives you criticism, do you automatically dismiss it?

4) Does Dwight Howard lack maturity? Will he ever get a championship?

Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords-A Game of Thrones

If you've been around the blog for a while you know that I am an A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones fanatic.
This post's title is a mantra which Arya Stark was taught by her fencing instructor Syrio Forel. Unfortunately she has reason to take it to heart and live by it as she must endure experiences which might scar a grown man, let alone a nine year old girl. But things are what they are. I really like the phrase "Fear cuts deeper than swords" because it has a meaning which definitely rings true in my life. I bet at least once it may have been true in yours as well.

The Storyteller recently did a great post about fear being used by both sides to influence the upcoming election. Fear is a useful emotion. It tells us that we don't know what's going to happen next and we have to be careful. It may sharpen our senses and make us very alert to our surroundings and events taking place therein. If you happen to work with mobsters or you are followed by hoodlums or you are forced to consider heart surgery or you are stopped in the "wrong neighborhood" by a police officer with a bad attitude or you are trapped on a sinking ship that is surrounded by sharks then fear is a completely rational response. Fear in those situations can help keep you and yours alive. For most of us that's more important than anything else. Someone who claims to be fearless is usually someone who is lying through his teeth, doesn't have much relevant information about the situation he's in, or no longer cares if he lives or dies. So in that aspect a little fear can bring much needed rationality and clarity to a situation. We all have fear. We all need fear. Believe that.

But on the other hand, fear has a very negative side as well. Fear pops up in situations that aren't life and death. Fear can arise when you think about doing something out of your comfort zone that you haven't done before. Fear can arise when you have to stand up to a boss and tell that person that they are full of it and if they don't like what you said that's too freaking bad. Fear can arise when you want to make that move on someone you've had your eye on for a while but you immediately start to think of all of the reasons why s/he wouldn't give you the time of day. Fear also has some negative physical impacts. Being in continual fight-or-flight mode can contribute to such problems as hypertension and sleep deprivation, not to mention heart disease and other ailments. And a fearful person may lash out at other people for no good reason, even those or especially those that remind them of themselves. Ultimately if you constantly live in fear of doing new things, of taking chances or risks, of growing up, of confronting problems or bad people in your life, you end up in a state of paralysis, unable to move forward and mature. You can become stagnant and trapped in rationalizations of your own failings. You may congratulate yourself for avoiding the risks of talking action but on the other hand you never get to enjoy the rewards of growth. You may watch with envy and confusion as other people move past you by whatever standard has meaning to you.

This can be quite painful for some people's egos of course so rather than examine and confront the reasons why they are afraid they will often pretend that the rewards of change and growth aren't really what they are cracked up to be. They tell themselves that they could have chosen to be more successful but they made a deliberate decision not to do so. Some folks even go further and suggest that this somehow makes them a better, more moral person, than the individual who dealt with their fears and worries and went ahead to take chances. If you happen to know people like this it can be both sad and infuriating at the same time because they've convinced themselves not only that deliberately throwing away their full human potential is a practical thing to do but also that it's a good thing to do and they are better than you for doing so. In the worst cases you have someone who is smugly and perversely proud to have made nothing of his life or natural talents. That indeed does wound the person deeper than a physical attack would have done. It's often extremely difficult for someone to come back from a fear that has consumed their self-worth. That sort of damage can take years to repair.

It is of course much easier to surmount your fears if you have a supportive family and/or especially a significant other or if you've been trained from birth to acknowledge your fears but proceed with your plans and dreams anyway. The other method in which some people confront their fears and to paraphrase George Clinton, "rise above it all or drown in their own s***" , is to be forced into a position in which there is literally no choice but to take action. There is a phrase that a hero isn't anything but a coward that got cornered. There is something to that. Whether it's the fictional Batman descending into a cave to deal with his fears of bats and darkness or the very real parents who at some point place their child in the deep end of the pool and urge him to swim or tell the bullied child that if he doesn't go back and confront the bully he'll have a worse problem at home, sometimes a shock to the system can shake things up. The person then realizes that the fear that he had was preventing him from going to the next level of accomplishment. Fear is just a message that you are sending to yourself. There is no shame in fear. There is shame in letting fears define or limit you. Winter is coming for us all whether we like it or not. We do ourselves or our loved ones no favors by not living life to its fullest.

Bran Stark: Can a man still be brave when he is afraid?

Ned Stark: That is the only time a man can be brave.

Questions:

How have you overcome fears in your life?

What have your fears taught you about yourself?

Has fear ever helped you in a bad situation?