1) I need to call the Medicare Coverage Hotline right now to make sure I'm getting everything I deserve!!
2) I must immediately buy gold because these are uncertain times.
3) Jon Taffer can solve any problem by yelling at someone until s/he does better.
4) For just 3 easy payments of $24.99 I can have the best non-stick pan ever invented.
5) I should call a local ambulance chaser law firm because they're family.
6) Apparently people who badly lost their House, Senate, or dogcatcher race are the go to political experts on every cable channel.
7) Mike Lindell is interrupting this post to give a you a special deal on MyPillow!
8) With exceptions noted, to be an anchor on Fox News a woman must prove she has an unbroken line of "Aryan" descent to at least the 1700's. Male anchors can not have an IQ over 80.
9) Special guests on cable shows must always have their library as a backdrop to emphasize what a "SERIOUS" intellectual they are.
10) The IRS is going to come get me unless I call this tax relief firm and pay them a small fee.
11) If I order right now I can get an extra 20% off!
12) Fox News is convinced that whatever bad happens in America is either Black people's fault or is not as bad as whatever Black people are doing at this exact moment. Be scared. Be very scared!!!
