HBO Game of Thrones Recap: The Sons of the Harpy

This episode walked right up to the edge of fan fiction. However it also made the strongest hints yet to a fan favorite theory which GRRM has not confirmed but is pretty much accepted as gospel among his fans. I liked this episode a lot more than I thought I would. One of the things which GRRM has done in his books and that the showrunners have done with their version is to show that different people can have wildly different interpretations of the same events, even to the point that different conflicting realities are constructed. It's the fantasy version of Rashomon. How do you know what you think you know? More on that in minute. First let's start with everyone's favorite lonesome loser Jorah Mormont. He steals a boat and sails off with Tyrion. Groaning thru his bonds Tyrion finally convinces Jorah to take the gag out of his mouth. The first thing Tyrion asks for is wine but of course receives none. But a sober Tyrion is an even sharper Tyrion than normal. When Jorah tells Tyrion that they're going to see Daenerys, even though Jorah hasn't identified himself Tyrion quickly figures who Jorah is from his accent and family crests. Tyrion also remembers that Jorah was a spy and deduces almost instantly that Jorah must be on the outs with Daenerys. Unfortunately Tyrion isn't smart enough to keep his thoughts or scorn to himself. Jorah belts him one. I guess unrequited love can make a fellow pretty mean. Mace Tyrell, the pompous in-over-his-head Master of Coin, informs the Small Council that the Iron Bank is calling in 10% of the debt that the Crown owes to it. He says the Crown can only afford 1/2 of that but that the Tyrells could make up the difference. Cersei declines the offer but suggests orders Tyrell to go overseas to work on terms with the Iron Bank. To ensure that he goes she sends Ser Meryn Trant as "protection". 

We start to see that just as you should never count your chickens before they hatch it's not very wise to laugh at lionesses when you're on the same side of the cage as they are. The meek Cersei of last week is gone. She goes to see the High Sparrow. Cersei pretends dismay that the war has seen the robbing, raping and murder of septons and sisters. She gives permission to the Church to arm itself again both to protect itself against such crimes and to root out sinners. And by the way Cersei happens to know where a few high placed sinners might be hiding. The High Sparrow says all sinners are equal in God's eyes.

The newly reconstituted Faith Militant organization attacks sinners (gamblers, drinkers and fornicators) across King's Landing. They don't care who you are. They seem to take special pleasure in taking down rich people or gay people. As Loras, Queen Margaery's (cleavage alert!) brother happens to be both, things don't look good for him when he's arrested and imprisoned. A less fortunate gay man was either castrated or killed when caught in a Littlefinger owned brothel. Margaery is furious with this turn of events and demands Tommen act. Tommen is clueless. He has trouble standing up to Margaery's anger. He certainly doesn't want to lose access to her good thing. He runs to Cersei to order her to release Loras. But Cersei calmly points out that she didn't arrest Loras. She suggests that Tommen visit the High Sparrow. Tommen does just that but is prevented from seeing the High Sparrow by the Faith Militant who rudely point out that it's the High Sparrow's prayer time. No visitors. Not even kings. This is a serious power play here. The Kingsguard and soldiers on one side and the Faith Militant on the other are ready to hold court in the street. But Tommen backs down. Tommen also hears the catcalls about his non-forking family tree. When Tommen tries to explain his decision to Margaery she all but calls him a punk-a$$ b**** . She talks about going home and says she's sending word to the Queen of Thorns. Margaery is as much disappointed in as she is angry at Tommen. Up North Selyse notices that Stannis has taken an almost paternal interest in Jon Snow. Selyse blames herself for giving Stannis only a crippled daughter. Apparently people in Westeros haven't figured out how chromosomes work and who determines a child's sex. Selyse also rags on Jon, calling him a bastard son of a tavern slut. Stannis questions that, pointing out that adultery was not consistent with Ned Stark's character. 

He also doesn't blame Selyse. Melisandre (cleavage alert!) questions Stannis about marching on Winterfell. She wants to know if he is taking her this time. He is. Shireen visits her father. Stannis is a hard man but he has a soft spot for his daughter as most fathers do. Shireen knows that her mother Selyse doesn't like her very much and didn't want to bring her along. She questions if Stannis feels the same way. Stannis assures her that he doesn't. It turns out that Stannis blames himself for the greyscale disease which afflicts his daughter. Although he was urged to get rid of her he refused to do so and instead did everything in his power to save her life. He loves her. With Sam acting as secretary Jon is signing letters to various northern lords urgently asking for men and supplies for the Night's Watch. He balks at sending a letter to Roose Bolton (that whole "he stabbed Robb Stark in the heart" thing again-did Roose take out an ad in Evil SOB Monthly Digest boasting of this?) but when Sam reminds him of the Night's Watch responsibilities, Jon signs the letter. Melisandre enters and explains she wants to speak to Jon alone. She asks Jon again to come to Winterfell, telling him there is something powerful inside him. He refuses. At that point Melisandre opens up to Jon. Literally. She's wearing a robe and nothing else. She places Jon's hands on her chest and a slightly warmer spot. She talks of the power of sex and love and how God has sanctified man and woman. Why don't more evangelicals recruit like this? I think more people would see the light. Melisandre is laying on more than hands. Jon is tempted. But he declines. Again. Not only did he swear an oath. But he's also still in love with the late Ygritte. Leaving, Melisandre looks Jon dead in the eye and uses Ygritte's famous catch phrase. Creepy.

At Winterfell Sansa is lighting candles in the crypts just like her Dad used to do. She lights one in the statue of Lyanna Stark, who was involved in the events which precipitated the rebellion which overthrew the Targaryen rule. Littlefinger finds Sansa. He's leaving, to Sansa's apparent dismay. Littlefinger anticipates that Stannis will march on Winterfell and take it. At that point Sansa, as the last known surviving Stark, could become Wardeness of the the North. Should this not happen then well Sansa will be married to the new ruling family of the North and in a good position to manipulate Ramsay. Sansa doubts this but Littlefinger is dismissive of her worries. Of course he won't be the one sleeping with Ramsay Bolton or having a father-in-law who murdered your mother and brother so it's easy for him to be tranquil. Littlefinger does take the opportunity to kiss Sansa on the lips. Littlefinger also tells the story of how Prince Rhaegar Targaryen, having won a tournament, gave the prize not to his wife but to Lyanna Stark. Sansa angrily interjects that Rhaegar later kidnapped and raped Lyanna. Littlefinger doesn't say anything to this. Jaime and Bronn have arrived in Dorne. Out of politeness Bronn has accepted Jaime's explanation that they're going to rescue Jaime's "niece" but still thinks a different approach might have been better. Dornish border patrol apprehends the duo but Bronn and Jaime kill them all once it's apparent that their cover story doesn't work. However Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes (Oberyn's illegitimate daughters) already know that Jaime is in country. They all want revenge for Oberyn's death. If Prince Doran won't act, they will.

In Meereen, Ser Barristan tells Daenerys about her brother Rhaegar's kindness and his habit of walking the streets as a poet and singer. If he  earned anything from his songs he gave them to other singers. Hizdahr visits Daenerys again to request the fighting pits be reopened. He thinks the fighting pits are something that the classes have in common. The sport could act as a diversion from political activities. Speaking of diversions, the Second Sons are caught unawares in a marketplace where they're relaxing. The Sons of The Harpy butcher them. The Unsullied come to their assistance but are misdirected into an alleyway ambush. As any Greek Hoplite could tell you, a seven foot spear is an awesome weapon on the battlefield. But as any Roman Legionary could tell you, a short sword is a better weapon for getting close and personal with someone. And as Nathan Bedford Forrest would have told you, getting there fustest with the mostest is usually a formula for success. The Unsullied (including Grey Worm) are outnumbered by about ten to one. They don't quite have the room they need to effectively lock shields and wield their long spears. But they're Unsullied. They don't die easy. A brutal street fight occurs. No mercy is asked, and none is given. The Unsullied have mostly been overcome by the superior numbers. Grey Worm is a bad$$. Like Tolkien's hero Hurin, Grey Worm is standing alone, wounded but still in the fight, when Ser Barristan arrives on the scene. He doesn't hesitate. He pulls out his trusty longsword and starts slicing and dicing Sons of the Harpy just like that ginsu knife on late night TV. Rumble old man rumble!!! But it's not enough. Barristan is grievously wounded, as is Grey Worm. They collapse together. They've killed all the Sons of the Harpy but judging by next week's previews it looks like at least one of them (Ser Barristan?) may have departed this thing we call life. Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time...

What I liked

• It is a fact that before GRRM gave permission to Benioff and Weiss to adapt his book he wanted their take on who they thought Jon Snow's mother is. Evidently he liked the answer. GRRM has not yet published the definitive answer on who Jon Snow's mother is but as tonight's episode asked via Stannis, was Ned the kind of man who would cheat on his wife? Why did Barristan think of Rhaegar as a good man? This is HUGE.
• The fight between the Unsullied and The Sons of the Harpy. Barristan and Grey Worm impressed.
• The scene with Stannis and Shireen was pretty powerful for both characters. There are a lot of different kinds of bravery. Not all of them involve fighting or killing.
• Tyrion's ability to very quickly deduce both his captor's identity and motivations would have felt forced from any other character. But he's Tyrion so it was perfect for him.
• Cersei's showing that she is still a player in the game. Getting Mace Tyrell out of town was essential.
• The High Sparrow remaining calm. Remember that he had mentioned that people often hear things he didn't say.
• I like that Littlefinger's motivations for marrying off Sansa to Ramsay Bolton remain opaque to reader and viewer alike. Littlefinger is not a Stannis fan because otherwise he would have helped Ned place Stannis on the throne. So what is Littlefinger's game? I don't know. And that's a good thing. Is he really clueless about Ramsay?

What I didn't like

• I was underwhelmed by the introduction of the Sand Snakes. They felt over the top.
• The Bronn: Jaime storyline also didn't do much for me. We know already that Bronn is a dangerous fighter and that Jaime no longer is. Ho-hum.

*This post is written for discussion of this episode and previous episodes.  If you have book based knowledge of future events or have seen future leaked episodes please be kind enough not to discuss that here.  NO SPOILERS. NO BOOK DERIVED HINTS ABOUT FUTURE EVENTS. Most of my blog partners have not read the books and would take spoilers most unkindly. Heads, spikes, well you get the idea....

Movie Reviews: Hyena

Hyena
directed by Gerard Johnson

The evil that police do has been in the news a lot of late. In some communities it's never far from people's minds. Whether it's killing people, beating them, robbing them or even going into business with other criminals, a few bent cops can do a lot of harm to a society precisely because society is not designed to protect itself from the police. Hyena is not really interested in the larger societal issues around police brutality and corruption but rather stays focused on the internal and individual costs of such activity, primarily to the corrupt cops. In this way the film is almost a homage to such flicks as Bad Lieutenant, Filth or Rampart. Other than a few of the victims there aren't too many sympathetic people here. The default "hero" who has his conscience jogged may be as much motivated by lust or ethnic prejudice as by anything else. This film also serves as a reunion of sorts for the two leads from Kill List, though they are decidedly secondary players here. The accents aren't that bad or more likely I've just gotten used to them. More than the story what I liked about Hyena was the settings, cinematography and lighting. The film uses all of this to ooze griminess and realism. The leads are mostly not square jawed white toothed heroes nor are they people who would automatically invite distrust once you see them on screen. They are very realistic middle aged men who may have had a few too many rich dinners over the years. Many of them are going to seed physically. But of course generally speaking they don't have to rely on physical brawn to intimidate people. They're cops. Most of the people they brutalize or steal from are not going to have the guts to fight back. The cops know this and revel in it. Their badge is literally a license to do whatever they want to do.

Over the past few decades the UK has greatly changed demographically. This is particularly true of London. Some "indigenous" English aren't too thrilled about this but that's another post. One Englishman who shrugs and deals the best he can with the changed social milieu is the West London narcotics detective Michael Logan (Peter Ferdinando). Although he's not averse to beating up and robbing addicts before arresting them, Logan's primary source of income comes from providing protection and information to the local branch of the Turkish mob. He's friendly with the local boss and associates. Well times change don't they. As Logan attends a restaurant meeting with his Turkish counterpart a raid occurs. Thinking it's some stupid cops he didn't bribe, Michael hides in a nearby closet. That was a wise decision for the wrong reasons. The local Albanian mafia has decided to move up the food chain. They have indicated this desire by bursting into the Turkish restaurant and killing everyone they see. The two Albanian leaders, the Kabashi Brothers (Orli Shuka and Gjevat Kelmendi) hack apart Logan's Turkish contact. This puts into motion a chain of events that finds Logan working with the Kabashi Brothers and helping them to thrive in the narcotics underworld. That's his plan anyway. The brothers aren't entirely convinced they need Logan's help. They've been very successful on their own just by speaking softly and carrying sharp machetes. An opportunistic scumbag like Logan wants to find blackmail worthy information on new partners. His bumbling efforts convince the Kabashis that an employee, Ariana (Elisa Lasowski), is telling tales out of school. Meanwhile an internal affairs watchdog (Richard Dormer) is sniffing around Logan and his detective crew. Logan's former partner (Boardwalk Empire's Stephen Graham) has just become his new boss. The stress strains Logan's relationships with his street smart girlfriend Lisa (MyAnna Buring) and his buddy Martin (Neil Maskell). I thought Buring deserved a larger role.

This movie had its violent spots but was rarely gratuitous. There was one completely unnecessary sex scene that I probably didn't need to see. Because there aren't any good guys in this film if you must have that sort of framework to enjoy a story then this probably isn't the movie for you. The director doesn't give viewers an easy way out or tie up everything in a big nice bow for them. Although I wouldn't go so far as to say they stole the film, the new actors Shuka and Kelmendi provide suitable mostly understated intensity as the Kabashi Brothers. They are not people you want to cross. They don't speak much but are very watchful. The larger (younger?) brother speaks no English but manages to guess most people's intentions just by their body language and vocal inflection. This story was inspired in part by conversations that the director had with corrupt cops or other people who occasionally crossed the line. This is a powerful British drama anchored by Ferdinando's turn as a sweaty drug abuser with a dying conscience who happens to be a skilled detective. 
TRAILER

President Obama, Liberals and TPP

"L'etat c'est moi"

President Obama recently invoked a surly and petulant tone when he lashed out against critics of the proposed Trans Pacific Partnership fast track trade deal (TPP). TPP is a so-called free trade agreement that would theoretically increase economic integration among twelve Pacific Rim countries with the notable exclusion of China. President Obama claimed that the critics of the legislation didn't know what they were talking about. President Obama said that if this deal wasn't good for working Americans he wouldn't support it. It's ironic that at the same time President Obama was telling Senator Warren that she didn't know what she was talking about and angrily denouncing anyone who would question his advocacy of certain trade deals that he also had temporarily to break stride and apologize for bombing and killing people who shouldn't have been bombed or killed. In other words he made a mistake. He was wrong. I might discuss the drone situation sometime later but contrary to what the Boxers among us might think, Napoleon President Obama is not always right. Like many corporate bosses when things go well, (Bin Laden is dead), the President takes credit. When things go wrong some supportive media suddenly releases detailed information on how the drone program doesn't need the President's signoff for every target and so mistakes really aren't the President's fault. Fascinating. The President might want to remember that just because he supports something doesn't mean other people need to accept his judgment without question. The President's interests are not synonymous with America's interests. If he was wrong about something like a drone program, he just might be wrong about a trade deal. President Obama's good intentions do not necessarily make something good. There was no need for President Obama to make policy differences personal, but I guess when you don't have to run for election again you can drop certain masks. So it goes.

It's alternately amused and irritated me that President Obama tends to save his most biting personal criticisms not for the open racists on the right, who have continuously insulted him, his wife, father, daughters, and mother in the ugliest and most personal of terms but for people on the left who question his policies. In what universe does it make sense for President Obama to compare Senator Warren to Sarah Palin? TPP, divorced from economic and historical reality, might sound good in theory. But like everything else the devil is in the details. Of course we don't know all the details because those are secret. We do have some general outlines though. It's safe to say that just as with NAFTA, the TPP is not as much about free trade as it is about increasing the ability of corporations to exploit labor and sidestep restrictions on profit making activities across nations. It's about wage arbitrage. TPP would reduce the ability of governments at all levels to "interfere" with corporations as they pursue their happiness. This is a good thing if you happen to be a corporation, a lobbyist, a trade or patent attorney, or perhaps someone at a high level who works for the aforementioned entities. But if you're not in that group you might want to consider if the TPP is a good thing for you. Hint, it's not. You also might want to review how median income has done over the past fifteen years. You might wonder if helping corporations to outsource more jobs from the First World and raise drug costs in the so-called developing world really is the path we ought to be taking. You might want to go down to your local clothing or electronics store and see how many goods you can find that are still made in the US. You might wonder how it is that so many jobs have moved overseas and what that means for American workers.

But if you want to know the answers to these questions and have your Senators and Representatives debate and discuss them openly the President will accuse you of not knowing what you're talking about. People like MSNBC analyst Chris "tingle up my leg" Matthews will say you're a protectionist. Well someone who does know what he's talking about and is not a protectionist is Nobel Award winning economist Joseph Stiglitz. Over a year ago he sounded the alarm here. And he hasn't changed his tune, pointing out that those in favor of these deals are all corporations and wealthy capitalists. This isn't news to the people on the streets. The working class, the people of all colors who are most impacted by crappy trade deals, isn't buying it. And some members of the Congressional Black Caucus, which as a group has often given cover to the President's more centrist or rightist agenda elements, may have found a limit to how far they will go.

To make up for what could be dozens of Republican No votes in the House, the administration may need to persuade 20 or more House Democrats to vote Yes. The White House hopes some of those votes will come from members of the black caucus. But the going has not been easy. Rep. Yvette Clarke of Brooklyn is a loyal Obama supporter, but she found she couldn’t say yes earlier this month when the president engaged in some personal lobbying. Ms. Clarke promised to “go back and have a conversation with my constituents,” she said, recounting the conversation. But she isn’t optimistic: “The people in my district—they are radically against” the Pacific trade deal, Ms. Clarke said in an interview. But by last week, Mr. Rangel sounded pessimistic about finding common ground with the Obama administration. He said the White House hadn’t offered him anything concrete that would assure jobs—at least “nothing that I could explain to my voters.”

Two-thirds of the House members in the caucus signed a letter to Mr. Obama complaining that any trade deal would need to do more to strengthen workers’ rights. And only Rep. Gregory Meeks (D., N.Y.) is on record in favor of the fast-track legislation, and Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D., Texas) is thought to be a swing vote.

“There’s too much downward pressure on wages,” said Rep. David Scott (D., Ga.), a frequent ally of businesses who said he has made clear that the White House shouldn’t even bother trying to win his vote.

President Obama should know that snark and sarcasm are no substitute for facts and transparency. Various corporations have been able to see the text of the TPP. Duh! They're the ones writing it! If, as President Obama claims, the TPP is a great deal for workers, then as Senator Warren suggests, declassify it. Let's have it openly debated and discussed. Perhaps the President is correct. Once we all know the details maybe there will be hundreds of thousands of $14/hr American workers marching in the streets demanding passage of the TPP. American IT workers may rejoice at the prospect of training their Pacific Rim lower cost replacements. Maybe American workers in general think that they have too much safety in their job and want their boss to have more flexibility to replace or fire them. But I doubt it. I think that the TPP is just the latest in a long line of moves by corporations and the wealthy to reduce labor costs and limit democratic oversight of business. Senator Warren is right. President Obama is wrong on this one. He needs to be fought tooth and nail on this. And he needs to lose.

HBO Game of Thrones Recap: High Sparrow

"I've heard that it's best to keep your enemies close."
"Whoever said that didn't have many enemies."
Hmm. Imagine that in the film adaptation of Mario Puzo's Godfather novel instead of Michael Corleone being the one to kill Sollozzo and McCluskey, Francis Ford Coppola filmed the scene with Clemenza as the assassin. Now in the short term maybe it doesn't matter that much but looking past the immediate such a change would alter many character developments and motivations as well as the larger story themes and threads. Some of this might be for the good but then again perhaps not. I felt that kind of way after watching Sunday's episode. I'm not sure if all the changes worked. However, given that the showrunners have run out of published material for some characters they may have had no choice but to alter events while presumably still trying to tie things into George R.R. Martin's ending. They know the ending and we don't. There are small butterfly changes which are adding up to increasingly huge differences between text and screen. I will write more about that after the season. Multiple book storylines were shot in the back of the head and dumped in the river in last night's episode. Again, I urge you to read the books. Anyhow. We have a creepy open in the House of Black and White where Arya watches as Jaqen H'ghar gives a man a drink. Arya is impatient to get on with the business of becoming a world class assassin instead of just sweeping up but Jaqen reminds her she's not ready for that yet. That drink Jaqen gave the man was apparently poison as the fellow drops dead. Jaqen says everyone must serve the one god, death. Another young woman is apparently jealous of Arya's precocity and attacks her with a riding crop(?) wanting to know who she is. 

Arya reaches for her sword Needle and is about to put holes in this fool but Jaqen intervenes (rather suspiciously quickly-did he order the other girl to do this?) and peevishly reminds Arya that although she is supposed to be no one she still has the name, clothes, gear and sword of Arya Stark. Arya throws everything away in the canals with the notable exception of Needle, which she hides. This is important. Needle was made by the Winterfell blacksmith and was a gift from her brother Jon. It's her last link to her previous life. She can't get rid of it. In King's Landing the wedding between Margaery and Tommen takes place. The couple do what newlyweds typically do. Tommen lost his virginity but it's pretty obvious this wasn't Margaery's first time at the rodeo. She uses a little reverse psychology plus the allure of her Highgarden to suggest to Tommen that (1) Cersei would be happier back at Casterly Rock and (2) Tommen doesn't need Cersei around any more. When Cersei gets wind of this she goes to see Margaery, who is sharing details of her wedding night sexcapades with her ladies in waiting. With feminine guile and indirectness, Margaery points out that she, not Cersei is the Queen and that Cersei is old, a drunk, a dowager and will be a grandmother soon. Atypically Cersei does not rise to the bait but merely smiles and says that if there is anything Margaery ever needs, Cersei would be happy to help. She need only ask. Hmm.

Winterfell has been re-opened under new management. Bolton management. Theon watches as the skinned bodies of recalcitrant northern lords and their families are raised for all to see. This is Ramsay's doing, something for which his father chastises him. Roose says that the Boltons do not have enough men to forestall a northern revolt,  a certainty if Ramsay continues his reign of terror. Without Tywin Lannister backing them up the Boltons need legitimacy as much as anything to defend their gains. And that legitimacy will be gained by a Ramsay marriage to Sansa Stark. This was brokered by Littlefinger of course. Littlefinger has taken Sansa to Moat Cailin, the entrance point to the North. He says that Sansa has been a bystander who has watched as events have turned against her family. Marrying Ramsay Bolton will give her an opportunity to shape events and take vengeance. Sansa is not exactly thrilled to marry into the family which destroyed her own and have as a father-in-law the man who murdered her brother but still agrees. From afar Brienne and Podrick watch and exchange origin stories. Brienne has figured out where Sansa and Littlefinger are heading. She offers to train Podrick. At Winterfell Sansa curtsies to Roose and his kin while Ramsay gives flowery entreaties. Ramsay's previous mistress Myranda is not happy about this turn of events. Remember she has helped Ramsay torture, rape and murder.  Littlefinger and Ramsay talk. Littlefinger claims he hasn't heard much about Ramsay, which seems extremely unlikely. Roose interrupts and dismisses Ramsay.

Roose is suspicious of Littlefinger and his reasons for delivering Sansa to the Boltons. Roose tells Littlefinger that Littlefinger is taking a big chance by going against the Lannisters. Littlefinger looks around Winterfell and reminds Roose of his own risky betrayal of the Starks. Big risks = big rewards. Still distrustful, Roose hands Littlefinger a message from Cersei, who had thought Littlefinger was in the Vale. Littlefinger notices the message has been opened, but Roose shrugs. Roose also demands to read any reply. A serving woman leads Sansa to her room (as if she needed guidance in her own home) but before leaving tells her "The North remembers!".
In King's Landing the High Septon (Westeros' equivalent of the pope) is engaging in some blasphemous sex games with prostitutes when the Sparrows (the religious fundamentalist group) break in and just ruin his day. They whip him naked thru the street. The disgraced High Septon goes to Cersei and the Small Council to demand action. However they are displeased with the spectacle of a so-called holy man being caught cavorting with hookers. Cersei goes to see the leader of the Sparrows, the High Sparrow. She is impressed to see that this man practices what he preaches as he walks barefoot and ministers to the sick and poor. As with Ned Stark, Cersei respects rectitude provided she can find a way to use it. She also notices that the High Sparrow isn't afraid of her. She explains to him that the crown and the church feed off of each other's legitimacy. Having one of them called into question harms the other. So Cersei threw the High Septon into prison instead of killing or imprisoning the High Sparrow. When Cersei goes to Qyburn to have him send a message to Littlefinger we see that something large is tied to Qyburn's examination table. It makes no sound but it moves.

At the Wall, Jon again formally declines Stannis' offer of Winterfell and asks him when he's leaving. Stannis is impressed with Jon's Ned Stark inspired tenacity and honor but doubts it's for the best. Davos tells Jon that oath or no oath the Boltons are not good for the North. Jon should remember his responsibility to all of the realm, not just the Night's Watch. As Lord Commander Jon raises Alliser Thorne to First Ranger. He also orders Janos Slynt to go take control of Greyguard, a ruined castle. Janos tells Jon no and fervently explains where Jon can insert his order. Jon explains that this was an order, not an offer and gives Janos a chance to reconsider. When Janos still refuses, Jon has him taken outside. Just like dear old Dad would have done, Jon personally executes Janos. Janos died whimpering and crying. In Volantis, Tyrion finally convinces Varys to let him out for some rest and recreation. They see a Red Priestess who seems to recognize Tyrion. Disquieted they retreat to a brothel where Tyrion discovers to his horror that he's not interested in having sex. Whether this is the result of too much wine, grief over Shae, a bout of erectile dysfunction or worse, an attack of morality, is not explained because out of nowhere Lord Friendzone himself, aka Jorah Mormont, appears and kidnaps Tyrion. Jorah intends to take Tyrion to Daenerys and use this gift to get into her smallclothes good graces.

What I liked

• Michael McElhatton continues to impress as Roose Bolton. Unlike his crazy son Roose is always under control, but there's something off and cold about him. However he has a very commanding presence. When he talks you listen.
• Jon Snow coming into his own as Lord Commander. It's also important to remember that Janos Slynt betrayed Ned Stark and helped to murder him, something of which Jon would have been very much aware.
• Cersei's refusal to respond to Margaery's antagonisms.
• Arya's inability to throw away Needle. 
• Identity was very important in tonight's episode. Arya is being forced to throw hers away. Sansa's is only important to the Boltons as a symbol. As with Joffrey Sansa will have to hide her true feelings. Jon is finding his. Theon has seemingly lost his forever.
• Does an oath have to be upheld no matter what? That's an ongoing question in this series. 
• Stannis' grim and wholly unselfconscious sense of humor as exhibited in the quote at the top of the post. He has his moments.

What I didn't like

• If Sansa believes that she has a choice, there's no way she would agree to marry into the families that murdered her mother and brother. Her proposed father in-law stabbed her brother through the heart and her mother-in-law is a Frey. What's next Ramsay dies and Sansa marries one of the Freys?
• The Brienne: Podrick adventures felt shoehorned in the episode.
• The Vale and The North are different kingdoms which are far apart. It would take ages for a rider to get from one to another. And as Littlefinger didn't tell anyone where he was going how would anyone at the Vale know to send the message to Winterfell?

*This post is written for discussion of this episode and previous episodes.  If you have book based knowledge of future events or have seen future leaked episodes please be kind enough not to discuss that here.  NO SPOILERS. NO BOOK DERIVED HINTS ABOUT FUTURE EVENTS. Most of my blog partners have not read the books and would take spoilers most unkindly. Heads, spikes, well you get the idea....

Book Reviews: Half A King

Half a King
by Joe Abercrombie

Like George Martin, Joe Abercrombie writes grim dark fantasy that deconstructs many of the tropes that were used in fantasy literature post-Tolkien. I think this was necessary. How many times can one really read about ancient evil returning, kindly old wizards, grim but loyal warriors who never use their strength to do wrong or incompetent sheep herdsmen who turn out to be the lost heir/chosen one/world savior that everyone has been awaiting? After a while it gets predictable. In his First Law trilogy Abercrombie, like Martin and to a degree Moorcock before him, overturned all the chairs in the stuffy old temple of fantasy literature, using his sharp whips of cynicism and realism to drive out the lazy moneychanging clones of Tolkien and Anderson. However in his trilogy and a few of the stories he's written since then I thought that occasionally Abercrombie could go too far in the other direction where everything that happens is bad and everyone is only out for himself or herself. So I was pleasantly surprised to see that that wasn't the case in his book Half a King. Prince Yarvi is the second son of King Uthrik. Yarvi is an ongoing disappointment to his cold and stereotypically masculine father. Yarvi not only lacks the aggression, leadership qualities and violent streak much prized in men by his people, but even if he had those things it's unclear as to whether he could use them. Yarvi was born with a clubhand and withered forearm (on his left if memory serves correctly) and thus can't really properly bear a shield, swing a two handed battleaxe, or perform many of the military or athletic activities that are expected in men of his class and nation. In open despair, Yarvi once moaned to his father that he didn't ask to be born with half a hand. His father coolly replied that he didn't ask for half a son. There are only three close people in Yarvi's life who show something besides quiet contempt for him. They are (1) his beautiful, intelligent, perceptive and occasionally cruel mother Laithlin, who constantly gives Yarvi lessons on pragmatism and leadership, (2) his watchful uncle Odem who is one of the few people who doesn't laugh or turn away in disgust when Yarvi ineptly practices battle skills, and (3) Mother Gundring, who is the ruling family's minister (think doctor, biologist, philosopher, librarian, lawyer, advisor, and priest all in one person). 
Ministers do not marry or hold any political office. They sire or bear no children. They can not inherit or pass on property. So Yarvi, recognizing that this lifestyle fits him better than being a prince, is studying to become a minister. He's actually quite smart. Yarvi's father has many years left to his reign. And Yarvi's older gruff, occasionally bullying brother is the heir. Being a minister and being apart from his relatives would make Yarvi and his family both very happy.

Those plans go out of the proverbial window when Yarvi's brother and father are murdered in a treacherous attack by a rival king. Suddenly Yarvi's the new king. And the obvious thing to do is to lead a war party to avenge his loved ones', (well related ones' anyway) deaths. His grieving mother will accept no less; her reputation for vengeance is scarcely less than that of her late husband. She married a M-A-N. She'll be damned if anyone claims she didn't raise one. However things don't exactly go the way Yarvi wanted. In short time he finds himself sold into slavery and thought to be dead by his kinfolk. His situation worsens from there. Yarvi must deal with some seemingly impossible odds to get vengeance for his murdered relatives and now himself. He says "I swore an oath to avenge the death of my father. I may be half a man but I swore a whole oath."  Yarvi will discover if the political skills he's picked up from listening to his mother and minister or by reading his books are enough to survive in a world where weakness is routinely mocked, exploited and destroyed. Can his mind protect him? This book was concise and packed full of humor where you would least expect it. It's also a mystery procedural though you may not even realize that until later in the book. Abercrombie leaves little asides and clues throughout the text that you may or may not recognize. As usual, Abercrombie has written well crafted characters of both genders, both evil and good. One prominent villainess combines Scarlet O'Hara's florid and grandiloquent speech with Simon Legree's brutal nature. No woman is just waiting around to be rescued, but Abercrombie didn't write women who are men in drag either. I liked this book. It's a coming of age story. It tones down some of Abercrombie's trademark grimdark cynicism. There is betrayal and evil in this world. But there is also selflessness, sacrifice and even love. I found Abercrombie's creation in Half a King more realistic than a world where everyone is backstabbing each other the second they get the chance. Humans are all a mixture of devils and angels. Good and evil furiously churn in the same person. Although the softcover version clocked in at just over 300 pages, Half a King is a very quick read. You will definitely want to know what happens next. The text size was pretty large so the page count is not truly an accurate indicator of the story length. 

I had heard that this story was aimed at younger readers but given the mayhem I'm not sure if that was truly the case. Or perhaps younger readers are more inured to offhand descriptions of men being cleaved from head to chin than I thought they were. This is the first in a trilogy but is also complete in itself.

HBO Game of Thrones Recap: The House of Black and White

"Nothing's worth anything to dead men."

The Bolton flayed man sigil atop Winterfell showing in the episode intro is a depressing sign of change if you are a Stark partisan. But Stannis discovers anew that people in the North have an almost religious reverence for the Stark name. Roose Bolton can call himself Warden of the North but he might be well advised to watch his back. But more on that in a minute. This episode brought back everyone's favorite left handed action girl, Arya Stark. She has arrived in Braavos and been taken to the House of Black and White. There she knocks on the door which is eventually opened by, well for now let's just call him the kindly old man. Arya presents the coin, says the magic words and asks to see Jaqen H'ghar. The kindly old man says there's no one here by that name and closes the door. Arya waits for a few minutes. The minutes turn into hours; the hours turn into at least a day or two. Arya keeps her spirits up by reciting her kill list. Charming little lady isn't she. Eventually, depressed, she throws the coin away and goes off to live in the streets, just as she did in King's Landing. Hunting pigeons for food or barter Arya has just killed one when three thugs make it clear that they intend to rob her of her kill, her sword and possibly more. Unafraid, Arya is walking forward to fight. But the three ruffians look over her shoulder and run away. It's the kindly old man. He has retrieved the coin she threw away. He invites her to the House of Black and White. He also changes his face to that of Jaqen H'ghar. He tells Arya that he is no one. In the House of Black and White Arya will learn to be no one as well. Cue ominous music. In an inn Podrick is enjoying watching the sway of the serving girl's hips when quite by accident he sees Littlefinger and Sansa along with their Vale guard. That good old male gaze sure can come in handy sometimes. Podrick informs Brienne. 

Littlefinger is enjoying playing Yoda to Sansa's Jedi apprentice. He doesn't appreciate Brienne's interruption or her flowery invocation of her oath to Lady Catelyn to find and protect the Stark daughters. Littlefinger is very a quick thinker. He points out that Brienne has served both Renly and (Littlefinger says allegedly) Lady Stark but both are dead. So Littlefinger questions Brienne's competence if not her eagerness. Littlefinger also states that he is Sansa's uncle (technically true) and that he has more of a right to protect Sansa than Brienne does (true if you overlook the fact that he murdered Lysa, betrayed Ned and set off the whole war in the first place). But what really wounds Brienne is that Sansa, remembering that Brienne arrived in King's Landing with Jaime Lannister and bowed to Joffrey, refuses to leave with Brienne. Littlefinger tries to have his soldiers "arrest" Brienne, but she (that is one LARGE woman) makes a break for it along with Podrick. Whatever else she is Brienne is no joke, killing a good number of the Vale soldiers and saving Podrick's life. Afterwards Podrick wonders if they should continue on this quest, as each Stark daughter has rejected Brienne, but Brienne is a woman who takes oaths seriously. Bronn is walking along the beach with his less than attractive bride to be, Lollys Stokeworth. She's rambling on about nothing in particular; Bronn is not paying attention. He is only marrying her because of her family's wealth. Bronn is taken aback to learn that Lollys' older sister will inherit the family castle and lands. But he muses that mean older sisters often come to bad ends. Bronn is not happy to see Jaime Lannister. Jaime is going to Dorne to bring back his daughter/niece Myrcella. Cersei just received Myrcella's Lannister medallion. She perceives this as a threat. Being short a hand, Jaime needs Bronn as backup. He promises to find a better (prettier and wealthier) bride for Bronn. 

In Dorne Ellaria Sand is seriously po'd about Oberyn's death. She can't abide watching Myrcella walk around with Trystan Martell. She wants payback and wants it now. She demands that Dorne's ruler, Prince Doran, act. Ellaria also wants to take vengeance on Myrcella. Prince Doran refuses war and angrily dismisses the idea of hurting Myrcella. He says neither will happen as long as he's in charge. Ellaria bitterly reminds Prince Doran that many people in Dorne, including Oberyn's daughters, see things differently. In King's Landing, Cersei has moved into the power vacuum created by Tywin's death. She has put a bounty out on Tyrion. Cersei also sits in the Hand's chair and makes decisions that should be made by the King or Hand. She appoints the disgraced maester Qyburn to be spymaster and says that Mace Tyrell will be Master of Coin. Cersei's moves don't go over very well with Pycelle or Cersei's uncle Kevan Lannister, who know that Cersei is claiming power that she doesn't have. Kevan bluntly tells his niece that he doesn't recognize her authority. Kevan leaves for Casterly Rock, saying that if the king wants something he'll return. 

In Meereen Daenerys continues to learn that ruling is not conquest. Good intentions are not enough. Daario, more street smart than Grey Worm, has found the Son of the Harpy responsible for the murder of the Unsullied. Daenerys suggests a fair and open trial though some people disagree. An ex-slave is particularly adamant that trials are pointless. Power is the only thing the reactionaries understand. Barristan disagrees. He strongly urges a trial. He reminds Daenerys of her father's unhinged approach to justice and revenge and the cost to the realm. However the ex-slave murders the Son of the Harpy. Well if you're going to be Queen you can't have people undermining your authority. Daenerys has the man publicly executed. This causes a riot as the large population of freedmen/women and poor people feel betrayed by their "mhysa". At the Wall, Stannis is reading Jon the riot act about his mercy kill of Mance. But it also looks like Stannis respects Jon's principles. He again offers to legitimize Jon as a Stark and give him Winterfell. This isn't out of the kindness of his heart. Stannis has sought aid from other northern families but has been rejected. The Mormonts, the family mostly led by women, has sent him a terse message stating that they know no king but the King in the North whose name is Stark. Sam is reading about former commanders of the Night's Watch. Many of them were Starks. 

Selyse isn't happy about her daughter Shireen teaching Gilly to read. She doesn't trust or like wildings, especially since her husband burned their king. Jon declines Stannis' offer. Again. There is an election for the new Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. Thorne and Mallister are the leading candidates. Janos Slynt speaks of Thorne's history and deeds. Showing unusual courage Sam stands up among his brothers to deride Slynt's cowardice. After all, the man hid in the pantry with Gilly and her baby during the battle. Sam says that he found Slynt there "in a puddle of his own making." Sam states that when stuff gets real, it's Jon Snow whom men look to for leadership and direction. Thorne admits that Jon has had his moments but questions his relationships, romantic and otherwise, with wildlings. There's a tie in the vote between Jon and Thorne. Maester Aemon breaks the tie in favor of Jon. Another Stark has become Lord Commander.

What I liked

• There was a parallel between two young naive rulers (Robb Stark, Daenerys) faced with disobedience from subordinates. Each decided that the crime of disobedience and murder required immediate death, even though a more pragmatic ruler might have decided otherwise. It's a tough call. No leader can let followers openly reject their authority but every leader also knows that authority is something ultimately given, not extorted. This was made explicit in the election for Lord Commander. The best leaders find balance.
• The hissing of the population after the execution of the former slave was very ominous. Again I think that this storyline can't help but remind people of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars or before that the whole "White Man's Burden" spoken of by Kipling. Daenerys does not understand the people she rules and could end up just as despised as the slave masters she overthrew. You can't just get rid of the bad guys and rule happily ever after. As the Hound would say, "Life is not a song."
• Littlefinger seems to have dropped or toned down the "Batman voice" he was using in previous seasons. This is good as he's no longer so obviously part of #TeamEvil. The way he dealt with Brienne was quite skilled. Every word and gesture was for Sansa's consumption.
• Qyburn asking Cersei for the head of a murdered dwarf for his experiments. He may be genial and quiet but Qyburn is not, repeat not, a good man.
• Drogon's brief return. Like his siblings, he's become much larger.
• There is something of Satan tempting Jesus in Stannis' routine offers to Jon. Although Jon has broken rules before he usually did it for a greater good or to keep some more important oath. But as he reminds Sam even though he's dreamed of being legitimate, he gave his word to the Night's Watch.
• This could be in both the like and dislike sections but the Sansa and Littlefinger storylines in particular are different than the published books. I won't talk too much about that now because this isn't about the books but I am interested to see where the showrunners go with this.
• Ellaria Sand's rage. Well done. Very well done.
• Missandei (heh, heh)
• Jon Snow knows the value of mercy. Danerys has yet to learn that.

What I didn't like

• More whining from Tyrion. This is mercifully briefer than it was in the books but a little bit goes a mighty long way. I would have been okay not seeing Tyrion and Varys in this episode.
• The Unsullied carrying seven foot spears into small homes. Seems like swords or axes would have been better choices. I guess that was to show their lack of street smarts.
• I wanted to know what Bolton is up to. He can't be happy that Stannis is up north.

*This post is written for discussion of this episode and previous episodes.  If you have book based knowledge of future events or have seen future leaked episodes please be kind enough not to discuss that here.  NO SPOILERS. NO BOOK DERIVED HINTS ABOUT FUTURE EVENTS. Most of my blog partners have not read the books and would take spoilers most unkindly. Heads, spikes, well you get the idea....

Movie Reviews: Last Knights, Da Sweet Blood of Jesus, The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires

Last Knights

directed by Kazuaki Kiriya

Imagine 47 Ronin redone for a world where people of different races all live together in the same area marrying, loving, hating and killing each other without regard to skintones. Imagine a A Game of Thrones subtheme (a man too proud and rigid in his definition of good refusing to play the game and bringing ruin onto his family) brought to the big screen. That isLast Knights. There is a continual conflict between deontology and consequentialism in life. If we discover that a little league team championship baseball team has inadvertently(?) broken the rules should we remove their title? If the text of a law creating health care subsidies has a glaring mistake within should we invalidate the law though that will harm millions of people? Should a proud and good lord refuse to pay bribes to a greedy minister and then call out the corruption even though by doing so he insults the emperor? Does anyone really believe "Let justice be done though the heavens fall"? Yes, some people do believe that. We may consider such people to be heroic martyrs or dangerously rigid idealists. Although few people are absolute deontologists, those who tend towards deontologist mindsets tend to have tremendous respect for rules, codes and laws whether they be externally imposed or internally accepted. A man's gotta have a code pretty much sums up their outlook. They will think long and hard before breaking such strictures and will usually support punishing those who do, even themselves. A deontologist believes that a person should do the "right" thing and/or follow the rules regardless of the consequences. Doing the right thing is reward enough. Giving consequences serious consideration doesn't factor heavily into a deontologist's moral calculus.

This is especially true of deontologist types who happen to be warriors. For them obedience unto death is a job description. These are the sort of people, who if ordered to guard their lord's children or to make a hopeless last stand, will grimly do so with no complaint and no expectation of survival. On the other hand, a consequentialist, or rather a utilitarian, will have much less faith in rules or codes and much more interest in the greatest good for the greatest number of people. So for example if they must falsify evidence to convict a clearly guilty rapist, or occasionally turn a blind eye to some smaller corruption to avoid war or save the lives of loved ones or keep quiet in order to live and fight another day they will do so. Neither position is necessarily "good" or "bad". Moral and immoral people can be found at every point on and between these two poles. Lord Bartok (Morgan Freeman) is definitely a deontologist. The Stark Bartok clan is an old proud much respected family that has produced many great warriors and leaders. But times are changing. Lord Bartok has no son to inherit his name and sword. His biological sons predeceased him. The Emperor (Payman Maadi) is centralizing power. The Emperor uses his execrable minister Geza Mott (Aksel Hennie) to do this. Mott, with a wink and nod from the Emperor, shakes down the various noble families for extortionate bribes. Refusal to pay a bribe is disrespecting Mott. Disrespecting Mott is disrespecting the Emperor. The Emperor has a highly negative response to anyone challenging his power or authority. The arrogant Mott has finally ordered Lord Bartok to come to the capital. Obviously Geza is expecting a bribe and can't wait to boast how he made the old warrior Lord Bartok bow and scrape.

Lord Bartok arrives at the capital, along with his personal guard of hardcore warriors led by Commander Raiden, (Clive Owen) his foster son and most loyal and feared retainer. But after a brief oblique discussion with Raiden about the nature of right and wrong and the future of their clan, Bartok tenaciously holds true to his beliefs. There is a high price paid. Although everything that happens next is legal everyone knows that legal or not, Winter Revenge is Coming. It's only a question of when or if Raiden will pull himself out of depression and self-hate to put the band back together. The action scenes are well shot but nowhere near as graphic or as exciting as films like Hammer of the Gods or Ironclad. Cliff Curtis does his normal solid work as Raiden's second, Lt. Cortez. Park Si-Yeon is Hannah, Geza Mott's long suffering wife. The Iranian actress Shoreh Aghdashloo is Lord Bartok's wife. As with any good war or heist movie there is the requisite number of betrayals, the cocky young kid looking for an opportunity to prove himself as a man among men, the honorable enemy who dislikes his evil master's orders but is sworn to obey them, damsels in distress and grim boasts. This was an okay film but clearly Freeman and Owen are capable of better. I liked the multiple races/ethnicities employed. Last Knights was blandly enjoyable but aside from a few exceptional setpiece battles this film wasn't something that was going to stay in your mind after the ending. I do like revenge movies though. You've heard of comfort foods? This was a comfort movie.
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Da Sweet Blood of Jesus
directed by Spike Lee

This is a remake/reinterpretation of a movie, Ganja and Hess, which I haven't seen. Perhaps if I had seen that film I would have a different, complete or better understanding of Da Sweet Blood of Jesus (DSBJ) but we can only play the hand we were dealt. I am not interested in seeing Ganja and Hess now. The good part about DSBJ is the cinematography. I don't know if there is another American director of any race who routinely shows black people in such beautiful lighting and settings. Chocolate, mahogany, caramel, cafe latte, ebony, all are shown here in exquisite loving detail. You could make a coffee table artbook from the photos. Obviously good looking actors and actresses of any race are going to look well, good, but Spike Lee always brings that something special. And he does so here. The fact that he made this film via Kickstarter for a relatively small amount of money makes me more impressed with his visual skills. The film looks very rich and colorful. Unfortunately the bad parts about DSBJ include almost everything else. To be polite I would say that that this movie was outre and challenging. To be honest I would say the film was virtually incoherent. The music, normally a strong point in Lee films, was WAY too loud and intrusive. The music chosen was often completely wrong for the scenes. It took the viewer away from what was going on in the shot instead of emphasizing it. 

DSBJ is about addiction more than vampirism. There are many themes. There's questions about black masculinity and femininity, African history, AIDS, black upper class guilt, homosexuality, white cultural theft, capitalism, religion, the black church, wealth, assimilation, forgiveness, sexual abuse and many many more social issues. I didn't think that these elements were mixed together very well. The film also ran about thirty minutes too long. It felt more like a play than a film. There's an iciness and distance that pervades the entire movie. There's no tension or fear or character development. You won't identify with anyone. Dr. Hess Greene (Stephen Tyrone Williams) is a wealthy anthropologist and art collector who splits his time between Martha's Vineyard and NYC. Greene is a cold and distant man. One night at his home Greene is attacked and murdered by his depressed research assistant/fellow anthropologist Dr. Hightower (Elvis Nolasco), who afterwards commits suicide. It's unclear as to why Hightower was suicidal and murderous. He may have had unrequited sexual feelings for Greene. Who knows? Although Hightower stabbed Greene in the heart with an ancient Ashanti dagger, Greene is shocked to find himself returned from the dead. He also has a sudden lust for human blood, which he temporarily slakes by drinking from Hightower's body. Greene sprouts no fangs and doesn't spontaneously combust when the sun touches his skin. He doesn't sleep in a coffin.

After a short period of preying upon Black and hispanic single mothers and hookers in NYC, Greene returns home one day to find Hightower's estranged, brassy and beautiful English wife Ganja (Zaraah Abrahams) demanding to know where her husband is. But Greene falls in love with Ganja. This film isn't the first work of art to make a connection between the religious doctrine of transubstantiation and the needs of someone who is addicted to blood. That is found in vampire stories from Stoker's Dracula to King's Salem's Lot. DSBJ uses this theme but it never really decides what it wants to say about it. If vampires are just blood addicts should they be pitied or destroyed? This film can't decide. In fact it's not interested in even asking that question. It doesn't really take a moral side. So this was a movie during which I found myself constantly checking how much time was left, not because I didn't want it to end but because I did. There is full frontal nudity here from both genders. If you could not live without seeing Felicia Pearson (Snoop from The Wire) nude then this is a film for you. The hair stylist Nate Bova makes her acting debut but (fortunately? unfortunately?) it's in an extremely explicit, detailed and lengthy lesbian scene. I think this film might be more of interest to film students who can appreciate the technical challenges of low budget filmmaking than it would be to the casual viewer who is just looking for an engaging story. But as with everything YMMV. Katherine Borowitz (aka Mrs. John Turturro), Rami Malek, Joie Lee, Cinque Lee, Raphael Saadiq, Valerie Simpson, Thomas Jefferson Byrd and Donna Dixon have roles.
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The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires
directed by Chang Cheh and Roy Ward Baker
"Everybody was kung-fu fighting/Those kicks were fast as lightning"

In the late seventies the Rolling Stones jumped on the disco bandwagon with Miss You. In the eighties Aerosmith reignited their career by doing a version of their song Walk This Way with the then hotter rap group Run-DMC. Similarly in 1974 Hammer Films was reeling financially. Its bosomy period horror flicks were out of style. So the Hammer producers and studio execs tried to duplicate what was popular. Hong Kong kung fu movies were popular. Motivated by pure profit based opportunism, Hammer tried to revive its fortunes by co-producing a horror/kung fu movie with the famous Hong Kong Shaw Brothers Studio. It didn't work. Perhaps the usual Orientalist aspects of Hammer productions didn't mesh with the more independent, modern and proud Chinese Shaw Brothers approach. Perhaps it didn't work because the Chinese and English crews couldn't really understand each other and didn't get along that well when they did. Perhaps it didn't work because kung fu horror wasn't what people wanted, then or now. Peter Cushing did his normal good work as the eternally doubted vampire hunter Van Helsing but he's really in the wrong film. Dracula (John Forbes-Robertson) looks and sounds very much like he wandered in from La Cage Aux Folles. He's about as scary as Count Chocula. Perhaps recognizing a camp Dracula doesn't work, the directors mostly keep Dracula offscreen. They do this by having Dracula possess the body of a Chinese villain which is ironic considering this is basically what Hammer was trying to do with the kung fu genre.

In the 1800s an evil Chinese monk goes to Transylvania to ask for Dracula's help in restoring the power of seven Chinese vampires. In the 1900s Van Helsing lectures at a Chinese university about the legend of vampires who have terrorized a remote Chinese village for centuries. It's not explained why the villagers didn't just move. But if that question comes to mind the horror genre isn't for you anyway. The professors and students dismiss Van Helsing as a nut and leave. Everyone departs except for Hsi Ching (David Chiang) the leader of a band of kung fu expert siblings. He tells Van Helsing that the legend is true. His grandfather killed a vampire. Hsi Ching wants Van Helsing's help in eliminating the other vampires. Hsi Ching thinks that with his family's kung fu skills and Van Helsing's knowledge, they can't lose. The wealthy Norwegian widow Vanessa Buren (Julie Ege) agrees to fund the expedition but only if she can come along. She's got eyes for Hsi Ching. Her character only exists to show off impressive cleavage. Throughout the film more and more articles of her clothing either get wet or come off though Ege apparently (unless there's an unedited edition available) had a no toplessness clause in her contract, something the Chinese extras didn't. When someone asked Baker why he cast Ege he incredulously asked the person to look at her. Ege had been Miss Norway and a Penthouse Pet. Fair enough.

Special effects and cinematography are surprisingly worse than Hammer's work fifteen years before this film. Heck, they're worse than Universal did FORTY(!) years before this film. I'm talking obvious fake bats on strings and stop motion decaying deflating vampires. The film looks very very cheap. The picture and colors lack definition. I wonder if the director of photography was drunk. The indifferent dubbing only makes matters worse. The fight scenes are ok and of a piece with the times. No one is going to mistake this for Five Deadly Venoms (a later Shaw Brothers masterpiece) or Enter the Dragon. The Chinese siblings, with the exception of Hsi Ching and his sister, who likes Van Helsing's son, are never differentiated from one another. Still they are the best part of the film, particularly in an early set piece where the entire family joyously runs to meet the enemy. Aside from that I was joyous when this film concluded. I'm not including the trailer because Hammer actually ineptly revealed the entire ending in the trailer. You're not missing much though.