Monday, May 20, 2013

HBO Game of Thrones Recap: Second Sons

The previous two episodes were heavy on setup and exposition. After Sunday's show there are only two episodes remaining. The first few installments set viewership records for the show, last week's show not so much. There were murmurs across the net that the show runners were making too many changes from the books. I deliberately don't like talking about the books here because (1) I don't want to give spoilers-see warning below, (2) I don't want to be the smug condescending arrogant jerk who compares everything to the books and (3) the show and books are significantly different and ought to be enjoyed and understood separately. I have been surprised by some things and disappointed by others just as people who haven't read the books have been. I love the books but Benioff's and Weiss' creation stands on its own. So all that aside what happened in Sunday's episode? Was it another snoozefest intermittently interrupted by torture? Well maybe. There was only minor torture this week. We spent a lot of time in King's Landing. 

We open up with Arya grabbing a big rock and considering the proper way to smash the sleeping Hound's head in. But The Hound wasn't sleeping and coolly advises Arya that if she wants to kill him she had better do it right the first time otherwise he'll break both her arms. Charming fellow that Hound. Arya thinks she's being taken back to King's Landing but The Hound profanely informs her that he's taking her to The Twins, The Frey stronghold, for the wedding between Roslin Frey and Edmure Tully. The Hound intends to ransom Arya back to her brother and mother.


Outside of Yunkai Barristan sneers at the arrival of the Second Sons mercenary band. They have been hired to fight by Yunkai. Daenerys invites their leader to consider switching sides. Their leader, Mero and his second think that switching sides is bad for business. Mero is a lusty and openly misogynist thug who won't stop drooling over and insulting Daenerys in the crudest of terms. He must have missed the object lesson a few weeks back. The third mercenary officer, Daario, is a bit more polite and philosophical. He wants to know what's in it for the Second Sons. Daenerys gives her spiel about retaking Westeros. The mercenaries point out that she doesn't actually have ships or quite as many Unsullied as she claims. And anyway Mero would rather rape her. Yes he is just that crude. Later back in their camp Daario subtly mocks Mero for cavorting with prostitutes. Daario would prefer to be with women who are completely willing, neither rape victims nor prostitutes. Mero could care less. Daario gets the assignment to assassinate Daenerys. He infiltrates Daenerys' private tent but reveals that he killed his two leaders instead and now rules the Second Sons. He pledges to serve Daenerys. There are rather obviously some other things he would like to do to/for/with Daenerys.
Melisandre (cleavage alert!) and Gendry reach Dragonstone where Stannis stops sulking long enough to confirm that Gendry is Robert's son. Melisandre sends Gendry away to eat and relax. Stannis wants to know what Melisandre intends to do to Gendry and she tells him that's a stupid question. In the night's best scene, Stannis visits Davos. He stumbles over what was for him a heartfelt statement of sympathy about Davos' son's death. Using Davos as a sounding board Stannis tells Davos about Melisandre's plans for Gendry. Obviously Davos is opposed. Stannis is torn between the right thing to do and the easy thing to do. He uses a utilitarian argument to try to justify Melisandre's plans to himself. Stannis agrees to release Davos. He never uses the words "I'm sorry" but he doesn't have to does he?
These utilitarian arguments resonate throughout history and even today. When confronted with evidence that US sanctions against Iraq had contributed to the deaths of 500,000 children, former Secretary of State Madeline Albright famously opined that "we think the price is worth it". Well Albright and Melisandre might worship the same god as Melisandre is also a strongly utilitarian type. I strongly doubt however that Albright ever got a confused boy a little buzzed on wine, stripped naked and started playing hide the kielbasa. Because that's what Melisandre does to Gendry. That is right before she stops the sex, ties Gendry down and uses three leeches to draw blood from him. Evidently she wanted to kill him but Davos objected. Davos and Stannis enter the bedchamber. Davos watches grimly as Stannis intones the names of his enemies and throws the leeches into the fire. On one hand Gendry didn't get to finish what Melisandre started, which must be rather irritating. On the other hand he still has his life and his package, so there's that.
In King's Landing the wedding between Tyrion and Sansa proceeds. Reeking of insincerity Margaery tells Cersei that they will be sisters. Cersei takes the opportunity to remind Margaery of what happened to the Reynes of Castemere, another upstart family (like the Tyrells) who threatened Lannister dominance. As I wrote before, Tywin took this very badly. Cersei promises the same to Margaery should Margaery presume to call her sister again. Looking for every opportunity to mock Tyrion and frighten Sansa, Joffrey insists he will give Sansa away since her father can't and removes the stool that the height challenged Tyrion had planned to use to put a Lannister cloak onto Sansa.

The reception is something of a farce. Loras is obviously miserable. Cersei is mighty buzzed and upset herself. Tyrion is completely and totally drunk, so much so that Tywin doubts he'll be able to do his marital duties. Tyrion no longer cares about that. Joffrey smirks to Sansa that he will rape her as it doesn't matter to him which Lannister impregnates her. Joffrey then wants to start the bedding ceremony. In this marriage ritual the male guests undress the bride and escort her to the bed chamber while the female guests do the same for the groom. Tyrion refuses and says there will be no bedding ceremony. 
When Joffrey insists Tyrion again says no and stabs the table for emphasis, threatening to cut off Joffrey's manhood. Threatening the king is a capital offense but Tywin defuses the situation. In the bedchamber with Sansa Tyrion has an attack of conscience or disgust when he takes in Sansa's youth and obvious revulsion towards him. He says he will not have sex with Sansa unless she wants to. And as far as Sansa is concerned she will never want to. Next morning Shae sees that the sheets have no virgin blood and appears somewhat surprised and pleased.

Sam and Gilly find an abandoned cabin near a heart tree where Sam again shows that he is completely useless around the house. Obviously he neither paid attention to all the outdoorsy manly man things his father tried to teach him nor took any classes at Home Depot. Gilly has to make the fire. Gilly is also quite sensitive about Sam thinking she's stupid. Well if your father is also your grandfather and your mother is your sister I can see why folks might assume your brains are a little scrambled. But Sam means no harm. If you recall earlier Sam found a cache of obsidian weapons. I mentioned then that those would come in handy. And they do. When the ravens make a ruckus outside, Sam goes to see what the issue is. And it's not just a few ravens either. It's hundreds. A White Walker comes out of the woods. It shatters Sam's sword by freezing it. It wants Gilly's baby. In desperation Sam grabs the obsidian spearhead and stabs the White Walker. It turns out that White Walkers have the same reaction to obsidian as vampires do to sunlight. Rock on with your bad self Sam!

What I liked:
  • Gleeson continues to bring Joffrey to life in all his maliciousness. The kid is pure evil. Whether in great things or small, he just really enjoys terrorizing people. To kill someone's father and then say he will give them away at the altar is beyond malevolent.
  • Sansa finding the courage to say no and Tyrion finding a conscience. This could be important as we all know that a marriage that is unconsummated is not really a marriage.
  • Melisandre's scene with Gendry (for the obvious reasons heh-heh but also because it shows us that Stannis still has a conscience)
  • The arranged marriage situation. Although Sansa's example is extreme, being forced to marry into the family that defenestrated her brother, murdered her father and friends, and is attempting to defeat her brother, it's not unheard of. Marriage for romantic love and making individual choices on marriage are quite modern inventions as is marrying late. Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed is not just a saying. It's a way of life. We can see that no one is happy but their happiness is not as important as inheritances and alliances.
  • Daenerys being nude in front of Daario. It shows she's not afraid of him but also that there might be mutual attraction. Jorah if I were you I'd get rid of this pretty boy right now. Wait and it might be too late.
What I didn't like
  • Another episode with a severe lack of wolves. 
  • Bran and Arya's story lines continue to be somewhat shortchanged. 
  • Rather than switching from scene to scene every five minutes it might help pacing if each episode featured just one or two locations. We saw some of that last night.
  • The earlier overemphasis on the Theon torture porn continues to cause other story lines to be rushed and underdeveloped.
  • Melisandre's scene with Gendry (this scene was invented for the show and could be considered to be fanservice. Seeing Carice Van Houten naked is usually a good thing but again there's a lot to accomplish.)
  • Just two episodes left. I think HBO needs to find a way to have 12 episodes or maybe a two hour season premiere/finale. 
*This post is written for discussion of this episode and previous episodes.  If you have book based knowledge of future events please be kind enough not to discuss that here NO SPOILERS. NO BOOK DERIVED HINTS ABOUT FUTURE EVENTS. Most of my blog partners have not read the books and would take spoilers most unkindly. Heads, spikes, well you get the idea....

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Movie Reviews- Gangster Squad, Mama, Stand Up Guys

Gangster Squad
directed by Ruben Fleischer
This film is a little light on story and gloriously heavy on scenery, costume and surroundings. It's a trip to heaven if you are into late forties and early fifties clothes, cars, and art deco architecture or happen to yearn for a simpler time when men were men, women were dames and there was no problem that couldn't be solved with two fists and a .45. Gangster Squad is inspired by history but is not bound by it. It takes lots of liberties with the story. So if that appeals to you this movie could be worth your while. Despite some surface similarities it is nothing like LA Confidential, The Big Sleep or any other films with conflicted heroes or outright anti heroes. No here, the good guys are good, the bad guys are very bad and that's pretty much that. And all the girls are crazy about sharp dressed men...

I wrote about LA mobster Mickey Cohen before here. In Gangster Squad, Cohen (Sean Penn) is the quintessential bad guy. Quick tempered with a very broad NU YAWK accent, Cohen is the rising star bad guy in Los Angeles. He's got his fat little fingers in everything, prostitution, narcotics, gambling, bookmaking, loansharking, you name it he does it. A former boxer, Cohen is quick with his fists and doesn't mind throwing a beating to hapless subordinates. He doesn't like mistakes. Of course if you get off with a beating count yourself lucky as the quite sadistic Cohen has many other ways to enforce discipline, most of which involve removing you from the planet. Cohen's only rival for power in California is the older and more cautious Mafiosi Jack Dragna (Jon Polito) who is worried about Cohen's strength and insolence.



One person in the LAPD who is neither intimidated by Cohen nor in his pocket is Sgt. John O'Mara (Josh Brolin) who is first seen rescuing a naive woman from a Cohen pimp platoon. O'Mara's actions come to the attention of Chief Parker (Nick Nolte) who has despaired of taking down Cohen by legal methods. He commissions O'Mara to put together a squad of non-corrupt cops to get Cohen. They aren't to kill him but are to destroy his businesses, humiliate him and if possible get some real evidence of Cohen's crimes. They won't be able to identify themselves as cops. If they're caught Parker will disavow all knowledge of their actions. O'Mara's wife Connie (Mirielle Enos) is initially upset that her husband will be going into more dangerous work. She's pregnant and thinks it's time her war vet/OSS hubby let someone else take the lead. But when she sees he can't be dissuaded she insists upon picking the team herself. The police officers she chooses are
  • Coleman Harris (Anthony Mackie), a skilled knife man who hates drug dealers. 
  • Max Kennard (Robert Patrick) a Trace Adkins soundalike who is quicker and more deadly with a single action revolver than most men are with automatic weapons.
  • Conway Keeler (Giovanni Ribisi) an intense intelligent man who used to work in Army Intelligence. He's the surveillance and legal expert.
  • Navidad Ramirez (Michael Pena) who has little else to do besides hero worship Kennard.
  • Jerry Wooters (Ryan Gosling) a lazy lady's man with a hidden conscience and a thing for Cohen's number one lady, Grace Faraday (Emma Stone
After a few missteps and the obligatory character conflicts, under O'Mara's leadership these men morph into a smooth oiled machine bringing the pain to Cohen all across Southern California. With the brief exception of Kennard explaining that from bigotry no one in the LAPD but him would work with Ramirez, the movie is thoroughly anachronistic with regards to race. No one ever calls Harris any slurs. He's even invited over to cookouts at his partners' homes. He enters white clubs with no problems. Right. Anyway Cohen isn't the type of gangster to take attacks lying down and he strikes back in vicious and quite personal ways. You can probably figure out the rest. This is a good fun romp but please don't look for anything more than that. Basically this is quality fast food. Very violent fast food. It's all broadly drawn but sometimes that's ok. Penn chews the scenery but in a good way. Sullivan Stapleton stars as Jack Whalen, a Cohen associate who is Wooters' good friend.
TRAILER




Mama
directed by Andy Muschietti
This movie starred Jessica Chastain's chest. Really. Ok, that aside what was this movie about? Basically it was an extended episode of Supernatural without the Winchester Brothers. Seriously, this is something which would have been better handled and experienced on the small screen. But it was a 100 minute movie so things had to be dragged out a little bit. As mentioned Chastain was quite noticeable in this film but perhaps women might enjoy looking at Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, who appears in a dual role. But it's really Chastain's film all the way. She's the lead here and does a pretty good job of crafting a believable character. NCW doesn't have a whole lot to do as he disappears from the film for huge swaths of time. I'm actually glad I saw this on the small screen as I would have felt ever so slightly cheated if I had seen it in the theater.

The visual aspects were quite good. The director made a scary film without gore or much violence. Things are more implied than shown. The first ten minutes of the film are just as frightening than the remaining ninety minutes.

The film opens up with Jeffrey Desange (NCW) taking his daughters Victoria and Lily out for a drive. Sounds nice except for the little fact that Jeffrey has just murdered his wife and his business partners. The girls are toddlers. The older Victoria, who is three, is perceptive enough to ask about Mommy and their destination. Jeffrey drives them to an abandoned cabin. He is pretending that everything is okay when it's obvious he's at mental breakdown. Just as he is about to murder his daughters and presumably commit suicide ("You know Daddy loves you, right?") something, we can't tell what, grabs him away from the girls and breaks his neck. Something gives the girls a cherry. This scene is full of pathos as kids and animals have no ability to defend themselves against homicidal or otherwise dangerous adults, even if they can perceive the danger, which usually they can't. 
Zip over to Jeffrey's twin brother, Lucas (NCW again) who has heard about the murder of his sister-in-law and arrived at his brother's house frantically looking for his missing nieces. Lucas doesn't give up the hunt. For five years despite his limited funds, he's a freelance photographer and his girlfriend Annabelle (Chastain) is a struggling punk-rock bassist, he searches for his relatives. Finally the girls are found, just as Lucas' savings have run out. But the girls aren't the same. Victoria DeSange (Megan Charpentier) is filthy and feral. Her little sister Lily (Isabelle Nelisse) is even more so, with hardly any English language skills. Both scurry around on all fours and talk to each other in a strange patois. Victoria cleans up well. Lily less so. With the help of a doctor (Daniel Kash), Lucas (enthusiastically) and Annabelle (very reluctantly) obtain custody of the girls, over the objection of their maternal relative. The doctor arranges for the newly made family to live in a home where he can study the girls. But something returned with the girls from the woods. As you might expect from the title this is something that has taken a proprietary interest in the girls, and definitely doesn't appreciate either Lucas or Annabelle playing parent.


As mentioned, there's no gore at all but this is still a pretty creepy film thanks to reaction shots and the normal frights of being upstairs in a large house and swearing you heard something downstairs. After Lucas is temporarily removed from the board Annabelle finds that she has some maternal instincts that are kicking in just when she least expects them. I didn't particularly care for the ending and as mentioned this film could have been shortened by a good 20 minutes and not have lost much. But there you are. If you want a horror movie that doesn't rely on blood sprays, brutalized, naked and humiliated women or ridiculously gruesome murders, you could do worse than to check this movie out.
TRAILER





Stand Up Guys
directed by Fisher Stevens
Look it's Al Pacino in a movie. And he's not shouting in all of his scenes!!! Imagine that. This movie also starred Alan Arkin and Christopher Walken. I like these actors and they don't disappoint. It's rare that a movie featuring actors who are, for lack of a better word, old, treats both the characters and the situations with an enjoyable mix of comedy and sympathy. The film never lets you forget that the main characters are hearing Death's footsteps. Sex is not something they have a lot of natural energy for any longer; they aren't as physically intimidating as they used to be, which is what the younger contemptuous hoodlum Larry (Bill Burr) keeps telling them every time he sees them. But just because there's snow on the mountain top doesn't mean there's not fire down below. The characters played by Pacino, Arkin and Walken all take it to the limit one more time. They're old school. They do things the right way because they are indeed stand-up guys in a world where rules and class don't seem to matter any more.
The mobster Valentine (Pacino) has just been released from prison after doing a 28 year stint for an armed robbery in which at least one person was killed. Despite that, Val kept his mouth shut and did not rat out anyone else who was involved in the crime, most especially his friends the tired, depressed and less than debonair Doc (Christopher Walken) and the now asthmatic Hirsch (Alan Arkin). Doc looks every minute of his age and dresses it too. Val teases him about his "old man gin rummy" clothes.

Doc is Val's best friend. They go back together, way back. So Val is quite happy to see Doc and even happier to make a quick pit stop at the unassuming brothel run by the good natured Wendy (Lucy Punch). If there is such a thing as a hooker with a heart of gold that would be Wendy. She's taken over the business from her mother, who was friendly with Doc and Val. When, after some launch difficulties, Val is able to finally clear the pipes he notices that Doc is not as happy to see him as he should be. One of the people killed in the caper that sent Val to prison all those years ago was the son of Doc's and Val's boss, Claphands, (Mark Margolis-I remember him from Breaking Bad).
The permanently choleric Claphands blamed Val for his son's death but refused to have Val murdered in prison because he wanted him to suffer. Now that he's out Claphands wants him dead. And in the mob the best person to kill you is the person closest to you. Doc gets the order.


Both Val and Doc are angry about this but orders are orders. There's nothing for it except to break their wheelman Hirsch out of his nursing home and spend their last night together saving kidnapped women like Sylvia (Vanessa Ferlito), stealing cars, slow dancing with younger women in clubs, snorting Viagra, and slowly getting to know a friendly young waitress Alex (Addison Timlin) on whom Doc seems to have a fixation. But time is running out. Claphands wants Val dead by 10 AM or else. And even for the world that Val and Doc inhabit, Claphands is considered to be an especially vicious and totally unfeeling sort of gentleman. Disobeying a direct order from him is a sure ticket to the afterlife. Just irritating him is enough to get people quite worried about their immediate future.

This movie had a few cheap jokes, mostly around erectile dysfunction and priapism, but it's both a gentle comedy and a standard set action piece. It takes some turns you've mostly seen before and a couple you might not have. It has some things to say about friendship and honor. The ending is superb. You could say that Walken and Pacino could do these sorts of roles in their sleep and you'd probably be correct. But sometimes a familiar story is still a good story. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are classic for a reason. I liked this movie. YMMV. The soundtrack makes judicious use of old school soul and rock-n-roll. Julianna Margulies has a small role. Throughout the film you are reminded, as are the characters, that these are gangsters. They may be old. They don't have the strength they used to have. But a retired bada$$ is still a bada$$. Don't believe me? Just insult Doc in front of Val. You'll be surprised that an old man still has such an effective jab...
TRAILER

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Obama, Holder, Clinton: Benghazi, and DOJ AP Subpoenas

Well well well, what a difference a day makes. It was seemingly just yesterday when the President was having his inauguration and sneering at people who didn't trust the government, or thought that they were taxed enough already, thank you very much. And it wasn't that long ago that rather than answer direct questions about her role in the Benghazi situation, Secretary Clinton was screeching "What difference does it make" at questioners.

Well Madame Secretary it may make some difference after all. Yes indeed. You know just like it makes a difference that you didn't actually land under sniper fire in Bosnia. With that record of truthfulness you might understand that people don't necessarily want to take your word on something without proof.
( When you have a moment after reading this post please check out this excellent C-SPAN discussion with CBS investigative reporter Sharyl Attkisson. It's very long and not strictly speaking necessary for this post but it does clarify a great many of the issues raised by this scandal)

                          

Or it may not, it could all indeed be much ado about nothing  h/t field negro
We don't know yet. What we do know is that Cheryl Mills, Secretary Clinton's Chief of Staff, called Gregory Hicks, the deputy Chief of Mission in Libya, and expressed her firm displeasure that Hicks had spoken to Representative Jason Chaffetz. She was also peveed that Hicks was raising questions about the initial official explanation on Benghazi. Hicks claims that his job and competence were harshly questioned and that he was demoted. We also know that Hicks stands firm that there was a stand down order that prevented a possible rescue mission from taking place



The full truth has yet to reveal itself. This story is changing by the day.  By the time you read this new facts will almost certainly have been revealed. I doubt there was any sort of desire by the Obama Administration to allow attacks on American consulates. But I do think that, rightly or wrongly, whether it's in response to Republican hatred and intransigence or born out of pure technocratic arrogance that there is often an Obama Administration response to a crisis that privileges politics over all else. Maybe this is no different than any other Administration. After all why would you be kind or forthcoming with folks who have made it clear that they would like nothing better than to beat your brains out with a baseball bat?  Nevertheless when the State Department spokeswoman, Victoria Nuland, suggests removing or reworking talking points to be given to the public and media because "the information could be abused by members of Congress to beat up the State Department for not paying attention to warnings" at the very least there is some inter-agency CYA behavior going on here.  At worst, well I don't think we have evidence to suggest the worst just yet. 


But withholding truthful but harmful information because you fear rivals will use it against you is wrong. It doesn't work. Think about your own job. If you or someone in your department have made a serious mistake, sooner or later it's going to come out. It's best to own up to it, put the truth out there, (wo)man up and take what you have coming to you. And this issue also shows the importance of maintaining calm and politesse under great stress. Perhaps if Mills and Jones hadn't felt entitled (for political reasons?) to tear Hicks a new one and demote him, perhaps he wouldn't be the country's newest whistleblower. But who can say. As I mentioned I don't think there's really anything here. The Republican eagerness to find something, anything on the President is too obvious. And Benghazi is just the latest in a long line of attacks on American institutions. 

Government agencies often defend overbroad exercises of power by tacitly assuming that the ends justify the means. So whether it's guns in New York where Mayor Lord Bloomberg sends out his minions to shake down anyone darker than Wentworth Miller, or California cops who enter a home without a warrant and taser a husband and wife on suspicion of domestic violence, people who are legally allowed to use coercion must be strictly watched and limited. Otherwise they have a tendency to get out of hand. I've written here and elsewhere that the Obama Administration has a mild to strong disdain for civil liberties. I think this comes from the top. It's nothing new in Washington. The entire reason that we theoretically want limited government authority is that the power of the government is so extensive. The government can compel you to do a lot of things against your will. But there are supposed to be limits. 

The Department of Justice ignored those limits. In a search for leaks around overseas activities in Yemen, the Department of Justice secretly obtained two months of phone records from AP reporters. It's unclear whether a judge signed off on this or not
NEW YORK –- The Associated Press revealed Monday that the Justice Department secretly obtained two months of reporter and editor phone records from the spring of 2012, the latest and most illustrative example of the Obama administration's unprecedented war on leaks.
AP president and chief executive officer Gary Pruitt wrote in a letter to Attorney General Eric Holder on Monday that "there can be no possible justification for such an overbroad collection of the telephone communications of The Associated Press and its reporters." Pruitt demanded the DOJ return the records and destroy any copies.
The AP reported that the DOJ obtained lists of "incoming and outgoing calls, and the duration of each call, for the work and personal phone numbers of individual reporters, general AP office numbers in New York, Washington and Hartford, Conn., and the main number for AP reporters in the House of Representatives press gallery." The Justice Department seized records for more than 20 telephone lines from April and May 2012....
Obama and Holder can't be bothered to prosecute banks for bad behavior. Because that might impact the world economy or something. But evidently Holder, or to be precise, his deputy attorney general, has no issue in taking steps which make a mockery out of the First Amendment.  I think this is a much larger scandal than Benghazi. The press ignored the previous tell signs like FISA or the Patriot Act or several other laws or actions that make Swiss cheese out of constitutional protections. It's only when the press' own prerogatives are seemingly violated that it raises an uproar. Well better late than never I say. Self-interest comes through again.  It's critically important to remember that everyone leaks. People do it because they want to hurt the Administration or because they want to help the Administration or because they want to settle scores with rivals or because they've honestly run across something so bad they think every citizen needs to know about it. 

You can't have a functioning constitutional republic without an informed citizenry and a watchdog press. 

If citizens would rather read about which Hollywood starlet is sleeping with which musician/athlete and the press would rather act as the court stenographer for the King, then you can kiss democracy goodbye. You can't have a watchdog press if the government is obtaining phone records that, by their very nature, show to whom the press is talking, and what they're investigating. You would have to be extra special stupid to tell a news agency about something shady that's going on if you know that the government is getting your phone records (and tapping your phone??) Actions speak louder than words. As has been pointed out much of late, the Obama Administration has prosecuted more whistleblowers than all previous administrations combined. Sometimes this moves into the realm of farce. The President grandly decided not to prosecute any of the CIA agents or others who tortured. How nice of him. I know if I were a torturer I'd be relieved. But a CIA agent who disclosed the torture was gleefully prosecuted and convicted. Actions speak louder than words, my friends.


Now on both the Benghazi and the AP situation there is no doubt that some of the President's critics are acting in bad faith. It was just a few weeks back that some Republicans were claiming that recognizing that the Boston bombing suspect had Miranda rights was somehow being soft on terrorism.  Good luck trying to find many mainstream Republicans or conservatives who enthusiastically support the Fourth Amendment. There are previous Presidents, Democrat or Republican, who have committed what I view as unethical, unconstitutional or outright criminal acts. But as the cop who stopped me for speeding a few years back told me when I angrily pointed out the other people exceeding the posted speed limit, "But I saw you." Obama has to live up his own standards of excellence, not just say he's like all the others. Despite Republican hostility, even a broken clock is right twice a day. The AP story in particular as well as the IRS issue which we wrote about yesterday may last a minute. And just as I am about to publish this I notice that the President is calling for a new federal shield law which would prevent the DOJ from doing what it just did. Right. In other news the New York Mafia's Five Families today urged passage of a law which would prevent extortion and loansharking....

Questions

1) Do you think the Benghazi and AP scandals matter or not?

2) Will Benghazi damage Clinton's future political plans, if any?

3) Do you think the DOJ subpoenas were overbroad?

4) Should Holder resign?

Monday, May 13, 2013

HBO Game of Thrones Recap: The Bear and the Maiden Fair

This episode was penned by George R.R. Martin himself. For those who care about such things it had significant differences from the books. If you don't like that I suppose you could take it up with GRRM. =) Of course I would prefer you didn't as time spent responding to your outraged missives is time that GRRM's not writing the next book.  Anyway we open up on the Wall. The Wildling party has made it to the other side. Jon confronts Orell about the little issue of cutting the rope and dooming Jon and Ygritte but Orell says that's business. I liked this if nothing else because we get to briefly see a less emo and more forceful Jon Snow. Ygritte asks questions about the North's battle tactics and makes fun of what she sees as excessive regimented styles but it's apparent that she's somewhat nervous. Later Orell makes a play for Ygritte's wildling love (or at least Ygritte's wild thing) but she shoots him down by confirming that she loves Jon Snow. Embittered on a personal level as well as still not trusting Jon, Orell warns Ygritte away from Jon. Ygritte mistakes a windmill for a castle and has no cultural frame for understanding Jon Snow's more traditional expectations for women. She mocks them. Jon gives an impassioned speech about the futility of the Wildlings attempting to invade and defeat the North. From the way Ygritte looks at him you get the feeling that she might even believe this herself but can't stand to hear Jon say it. It's well acted, I thought. Ygritte reminds Jon that come what may they belong to each other.

The Stark-Tully army is delayed by rain in marching to the Twins for the Tully-Frey wedding. Catelyn is not happy about this. After Robb and Talisa have played hide the sword in the scabbard and find my wedding ring , Robb is temporarily not blinded by Talisa's beauty. Robb notices that Talisa is writing a letter to her mother. Talisa lets Robb know that's she's pregnant, something that makes Robb even happier than he already was.


Sansa finally realizes that maybe she's not the brightest crayon in the Stark family box. Sansa doesn't want to marry Tyrion. But Margaery (cleavage alert!!) suggests that Sansa make the best of her opportunities, pointing out that Tyrion is known to be experienced with women, has been as kind to Sansa as someone in his position could be and is good looking, even if he is a dwarf. Margaery is rambling on about the various different kinds of love, sex and men in the world when Sansa openly wonders how the supposedly virginal Margaery knows such things. In a perfectly played scene where the viewer can virtually see Margaery thinking "THIS GIRL IS REALLY REALLY DUMB!", Margaery tells Sansa that she heard of these things from her mother.
Tyrion is also complaining to Bronn about the marriage but Bronn thinks it's just Tyrion not wanting to admit that he really does want Sansa. Tyrion gives Shae some gifts and again emphasizes that the marriage is not his idea but Shae wants him to run away with her. When Tyrion declines Shae says she's just a whore and leaves.

Tywin said before that he would take a hand in Joffrey's "education" and we saw a hint of that in this episode. Joffrey summons Tywin to report on the council meetings. Direct and polite but certainly not submissive or fawning, Tywin tells Joffrey to attend the meetings if he wants information. When Joffrey displays petulance the previously semi-amused Tywin becomes subtly intimidating, stepping on the throne dais to emphasize the point that he is not frightened by his grandson nor does he intend to report to him. This was my favorite scene. Tywin is no one to mess with. I couldn't help but think of Dick Cheney here. Tywin does what he thinks is best for his family and the realm, but don't ask him questions. You'll know what he wants you to know. Period.
Melisandre informs Gendry that he's Robert's son. It appears they're headed to King's Landing. Daenerys goes to Yunkai, which is another, albeit more powerful slave city. Jorah thinks this is a waste of time and resources but Daenerys, now with more powerful dragons and an army, is starting to get the hang of this power thing. Daenerys is a do-gooder with power. She extorts gold from the slavers who attempt to buy her off and insists that the slaves be freed. Arya is very angry with the Brotherhood without Banners and is made even more so when they postpone taking her to Riverrun in order to attack a Lannister raiding party. She runs off but is captured by The Hound.
Theon is released from the rack by young women who claim to be interested in finding out if he's packing as much as other women claim he is. Theon can't run anywhere because he's got holes in his feet. Despite his feeble protestations, the women get him hot and bothered and ready to rumble, that is as much as any tortured man could be. Just when it looks like Theon might find a brief bit of happiness (didn't we see this before?) the Unknown Young Man enters. He blows a trumpet and beats Theon with it. He says that he's also heard of the size of Theon's package but that Theon needs to learn that women didn't really like him. To that purpose he, with the help of goons, castrates Theon. Osha is angered about Jojen's growing closeness to Bran and refuses to go back beyond the Wall, telling of her companion's death and return as a wight. She says she swore an oath to take the Stark boys to Castle Black. 
At Harrenhall Jaime prepares to leave. Brienne is stoic about her fate but reminds Jaime of their oaths. Jaime swears to return the Stark girls to their mother. Bolton is also leaving for the Frey-Tully wedding and tells Jaime again to inform Tywin that Jaime's mutilation wasn't his doing. Jaime agrees and sarcastically tells Bolton to pass along his regards to Robb Stark. Later, while listening to Qyburn justify his unethical experiments on living men, Jaime is troubled by Brienne's situation. Qyburn is nonchalant, saying that Brienne may be raped and survive the night but after that who knows. Appealing not only to his escort's lust for gold but also to his fear of Bolton's and Twyin's anger, Jaime convinces everyone to head back to Harrenhall where he finds that Brienne has been placed in a bear pit, armed only with a wooden sword. Locke refuses to release her, believing that Selwyn Tarth, Brienne's father did not offer enough in ransom. Just as Brienne is being mauled and about to be killed, Jaime jumps in the pit to distract the bear. He protects Brienne and helps her to get out. He's greatly assisted in this by the fact that his escorts wound the bear with crossbow bolts. Once everyone is out Locke rages but again, the fear of Bolton's wrath is what animates everyone's actions. There's a threat of civil war in the ranks before Locke backs down. Jaime leaves but in a nod to his old snark can't resist taunting Locke about the supposed wealth he's losing. 

I liked the Tywin Lannister scene, the bear pit, and Daenerys' growth into a ruler who is comfortable wielding power. I didn't like the depiction of Yunkai. I think our own American history and sociology influenced that somewhat. The bear pit scene is important because even as Locke's men are mocking Brienne's refusal to hew to traditional gender roles, she faces the bear head on and without fear, just like a "true" (male) knight should. In this she is more knight than any of the men watching her degradation. Jaime's "rescue" of her both upends and confirms gender stereotypes, depending on how you view it. The Jon Snow-Ygritte relationship continues to be one of the show's few healthy dyads. Rose Leslie really shines as Ygritte. 

I need more Arya time. I didn't like the reduction of Bran and Catelyn Stark to virtual afterthoughts but there's so much going on that something had to give. And unfortunately that something was Theon's manhood. I could have done without that. Not just for the obvious reasons (yikes!!) but because I think it's already been confirmed again and again and again what sort of psychotic twisted SOB the UYM is. The show does set up a situation in which your possible initial feelings about Jaime and Theon may be, if not reversed, then made more complicated. There are three episodes remaining. I am looking forward to seeing how they wrap up these storylines.

*This post is written for discussion of this episode and previous episodes.  If you have book based knowledge of future events please be kind enough not to discuss that here NO SPOILERS. NO BOOK DERIVED HINTS ABOUT FUTURE EVENTS. Most of my blog partners have not read the books and would take spoilers most unkindly. Heads, spikes, well you get the idea....

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Book Reviews- Unfinished Business, The Fall of Rome, Tarnsman of Gor, Elric of Melnibone

Unfinished Business
by Joseph D. Pistone
Joseph Pistone is a retired Italian-American FBI agent who is famous for his undercover work.  I wrote before about him here. You may remember the movie Donnie Brasco starring Johnny Depp. Pistone was "Donnie Brasco". He penetrated the Mafia, initially the Colombo Family and later the Bonanno Family. He was so convincing as a supposed jewel thief, hijacker and tough guy that he was ultimately proposed for formal membership ("being made") and given murders to accomplish. The FBI ended his assignment before he could be made, which still irritates Pistone today. Nevertheless Pistone gathered a wealth of information on the Bonanno Family and other organized crime families. It greatly embarrassed the Bonannos to have almost given their highest seal of approval to an FBI agent. Pistone duped the Mafia so thoroughly that when his direct Mafia sponsors and associates were informed that Pistone was an agent, they refused to believe it and for days thought/hoped that "Donnie" had been kidnapped and brainwashed. The higher ups, the bosses, underbosses and ranking captains who had been introduced to "Donnie" weren't just embarrassed. They were angry. And when people like that get angry, other people die. "Donnie's" captain was called into a management meeting. His body was later found with its hands chopped off. A soldier who had had close dealings with "Donnie" was lured out of hiding and murdered by his own blood relatives. The Mafia is not known for forgiving mistakes.


Pistone's operation reverberated throughout federal and state law enforcement investigations, indictments and convictions for several years. There were hundreds of indictments and convictions based in whole or in part upon Pistone's information. At least that's what Pistone says. He can speak without fear of contradiction as anyone who could contradict specific allegations is either dead or in prison. The man has a very healthy ego but I think most successful undercover agents would need one. For years he pretended to be someone else while surrounded by and working closely with thieves, murderers and a few psychopaths. Some criminal associates had extremely good memories. One mistake in his cover stories and that would have been it for Pistone. With the conclusion of active investigations he decided to revisit his story and share some dirty laundry. He's more forthcoming than he was previously.


Former FBI director Hoover resisted or greatly restricted undercover actions (in criminal investigations anyway, he apparently had no issues with undercover political operatives). One of the alleged reasons for avoiding undercover operations is that it is difficult if not impossible for the agent to hew to normal FBI moral and legal standards. Although he's still keeping some info back, Pistone shares some ethically questionable decisions. When you're playing criminal 24/7 you must decide what you will do to keep cover. For Pistone, this meant giving public beatings to two junkies who had robbed his Mafia sponsor and himself, carrying out hijackings and other robberies, and once memorably being ready to go kill another Mafia soldier who had fallen out of favor. Pistone details the rivalries and jealousies his undercover work caused within the Bureau. He's a bit coy about the strain on marital and family relationships. It happened. He and his wife got thru it. End of story. He's now a happy grandfather.


The book's second half is concerned with Pistone's years of testifying in other organized crime cases and advising/instructing other law enforcement agencies, including Scotland Yard and Russian anti-Mafia units. He states the Mafia Commission put a $500,000 contract on him. Some doubted this as traditional American organized crime has rarely killed law enforcement officials but by the late eighties and early nineties Mafia members were desperate enough to consider repealing this rule. There were attempts to murder prosecutors and FBI agents. Pistone also gives an insider's view of some other famous Mafia cases.

Pistone takes a few potshots at actors James Caan and Mickey Rourke for supporting Mafia hoodlums and at Governor Mario Cuomo for his denial that the Mafia existed and what Pistone viewed as "playing the ethnic card". The Bonanno Crime Family Boss, Joey Massino, who as a captain had murdered Pistone's Mafia sponsor Sonny Black, was ultimately charged with that murder. Facing a possible death penalty, the boss himself became an informant. As Pistone might say, nothing for nothing but if you want to hear about how it really went down, check this book out.




The Fall of Rome

by Martha Southgate
You may be surprised by this book. I certainly was. I don't mean that I was surprised by the author's skill. I had heard good things about this book and knew the writer was working on a different level than your ordinary author. I mean that I was surprised that the book resonated so strongly with me because the setting, an all male prep school in Connecticut wasn't really the sort of place I had a lot of interest in or familiarity with. I did briefly attend an all boys Catholic middle school but that's an entirely different experience because you go home every day.

At Chelsea School, you don't get to go home. For some people this is problematic, for others Chelsea is their home. Still others have no idea where their home really is. This book delves into the realities of integration, colonized minds, what it means to be who you are, what your identity really is and how all of this plays out in a world in which people's perceptions and realities are still often circumscribed by race and gender.


If you happen to be on the left politically the book may even make you have some sympathy for Clarence Thomas. Hard to believe but there you are. The author has a really good knack for writing from different points of view and making you understand and empathize with different people, even if you don't sympathize with them. I liked that. 
There are three primary characters. First is Rashid Bryson, a young African-American youth who is still processing the fact that his older brother, who was also admitted to an exclusionary school, was murdered in a store robbery. Rashid has lived in a majority black area and is somewhat taken aback by the paucity of black students at Chelsea. Rashid wants to make his parents proud of him and get them through their grief.
Next there is Latin and Classics Professor Jerome Washington, a black man who has been thru pain similar to Rashid's in his private life. He also attended Chelsea when it was much less welcoming. He has closed off past hurts by a fierce unyielding devotion to individual talent, success and drive. If you don't make it it's probably because you weren't trying hard enough. Don't expect any second chances or help from him. He doesn't think life works like that. And certainly don't tell him that he owes you anything because you and he have similar amounts of melanin. He despises that sort of thinking almost as much as he dislikes stereotypically African or African-American names.

Lastly there is Jana Hansen, a divorced Caucasian-American English teacher who is new to Chelsea. Her husband left her for a younger woman. She has spent most of her career teaching in predominantly Black areas and is somewhat taken aback by Chelsea's virtual monochrome nature. She has her own demons to exorcise and tentatively attempts to strike up different sorts of relationships with Jerome and Rashid. To say more would get into spoiler territory but to me this short book was well worth the time it takes to read it. I definitely am going to be looking for more of Southgate's work. It's the best of the books reviewed today I think.





Tarnsman of Gor
by John Norman
Sometimes I think I have no idea what women like or why they do so. Well that's not completely true. You can't reach adulthood without picking up some pointers but the fact remains that often women's desires can seem quite capricious. Thumbing through romance novels would give one the idea that some women think that taming a dominant man who treats them, if not unkindly then certainly in a manner that leaves little doubt as to who's in charge (in the bedroom at least), is of intense erotic interest. The success of such films as Gone With the Wind (Scarlett beats Rhett's chest in vain as he takes her upstairs but seems quite happy and satisfied the following morning) or books like 50 Shades of Grey and the Twilight series would seem to validate that hypothesis. It's usually not men who are buying those books. How ironic then that a book which essentially gave the same message, but from a man's point of view, was so hated, mocked and insulted that it was at one point essentially all but banned from publication. So it goes.

Tarnsmen of Gor is the beginning of a sci-fi/fantasy series by John Norman. (the pen name for philosophy professor John Lange) Gor is a planet that is always on Earth's opposite side and is thus invisible to us. Ok, I know it's really bad science but ignore that for now. Gor has lighter gravity than Earth. Gor is populated mostly by humans. Gor is lorded over by the alien insectoid Priest-Kings, who rarely appear. Most of Gor has military technology that doesn't much surpass what was available pre-gunpowder. The Priest Kings keep it that way. Any inventor, scientist or engineer who gets too big for his britches disappears.


The narrator, Tarl Cabot, is brought to Gor where he is reunited with his long lost father, an important man in the Gorean city of Ko-Ro-Ba. Tarl is already an accomplished fencer and undergoes training to ensure he takes his rightful place in the warrior caste. His father needs his help for there are rivalries and wars afoot. Gor is organized along the lines of Greek city-states with every free man put into a caste. And that's where the author mixes a somewhat pedestrian alternate earth tale with the philosophical musings that brought him such controversy. Norman employs Aristotle's natural slavery theory to argue that some people are naturally submissive (slaves) while other people are naturally aggressive (free). It's a sin to treat a free person as if they were a slave and vice versa. Norman's twist is that fitness for slavery is not determined by race, ethnicity, class or national origin. It is however somewhat related to gender. Free women simultaneously have a constricted existence and yet are considered irritating by many free men. Free men would generally much rather spend their time with slave women, who are thought to be more (sexually) feminine. Free women are often jealous of slave women. Gorean society's true nature slowly unfolds throughout the book. Tarl Cabot initially finds Gor strange and repulsive but gradually takes a different view. He does remain anti-slavery..mostly. I don't mind reading works by authors with "bad" points of view if the story's plot is strong enough to interest me. Here it really wasn't. The fantasy fiction author, Michael Moorcock, harshly criticized Norman. Future series installments were heavier on both feminist-baiting and adult content and less so on action/plot. This might be more interesting if one thought the author was being tongue in cheek. But I didn't get that feeling...




Elric of Melnibone
by Michael Moorcock
Speaking of Michael Moorcock, he is another author who I starting reading as a teenager. Unlike Norman, I never put his works down. Moorcock is among the most skilled and most prolific authors of sci-fi, speculative fiction, fantasy, and historical fiction who is still living. He's among the genre's top authors living or dead. Before GRRM wrote his antiheroes and turned up the sex quotient, Moorcock had been there and done that. Moorcock is something of a left-wing feminist anarchist. However his works can be enjoyed by people of any political backgrounds. He doesn't beat you over the head with his politics. Moorcock is confident enough and honest enough to have spoken frankly of how strongly he disliked Tolkien's writing style and politics, though he says he liked Tolkien on a personal level. When you call The Lord of the Rings "Epic Pooh" you ought to be able to provide work of equal or better quality. Moorcock delivers.

Elric of Melnibone was one of his earliest stories. It's first in a series and is about as far from Tolkien and in a different way Robert E. Howard as you can get. It's also a short story. Moorcock was still writing for magazines when this came out and at just under 170 pages this book is quickly read. Where Tolkien's heroes were virtuous and desexed, Moorcock's heroes were lusty and conflicted. Where Howard wrote disguised idealized versions of himself, Celtic-Nordic strong he-men who didn't take any guff from anyone, Moorcock wrote Elric as a decadent, weak, bookish, lazy albino who would have been dead a long time ago without constant assistance from drugs and magic. Elric is alienated.

The story takes place in a world that appears to have existed long before our own pre-history had even begun. Elric is the 428th Emperor of the island nation of Melnibone. Melniboneans are not human. Generally speaking they have the same opinion of humans as humans do of cattle. Melniboneans appear to be similar to Tolkien's elves but with no sense of morality whatsoever. In this they're closer to the original legends of the Celtic Sidhe, something which the author Jim Butcher also utilizes. Anyway Melnibone has ruled the world for about the past 10,000 years with their dragons, advanced technology and most importantly magic gained by their alliances with elemental forces and the demon-gods of Chaos. In the past 500 years though their numbers, power and magic have waned. The dragons are far fewer and sleep for much longer periods of time. Now Melnibone only rules on its own island. Human pirates are getting bolder and some Melniboneans are concerned that humans may even attack Melnibone. Elric's cousin Yyrkoon is constantly critical of Elric and may be plotting against him.


But Elric is unconcerned with this. In all of his reading he has accidentally gained something akin to a conscience, or at least as close to it as a Melnibonean could get. So he coolly ignores his cousin Yyrkoon's disloyalty. Elric thinks free speech is a virtue. The only thing which truly brings joy to Elric's life is his relationship with Cymoril, his cousin, would be wife and Yyrkoon's sister. Out of spite against his cousin Yyrkoon may harbor entirely non-brotherly feelings for Cymoril. This situation comes to a head when during a battle with humans Yyrkoon takes the opportunity to kill Elric. Yyrkoon thinks he's succeeded. Elric must survive alone among humans with only his wits and his sorcery to aid him. For though Yyrkoon doesn't know it and wouldn't believe it if he did Elric is the greatest sorcerer who ever lived. More importantly than that Elric is the favorite of the Chaos god Arioch, the most dread of all of the Melnibonean patrons. He has plans for Elric. And then there is the sword Stormbringer, a cursed blade that drinks souls and transfers their energy to Elric.

This was a really exciting book to read again. It moves. Things happen on just about every page. There's a lot of hidden commentary about imperialism, morality, and the paradox that often great beauty comes from great pain. In order to win back his throne Elric may have to drop his moralistic facade and give in to his cruel and essentially amoral nature.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Al Sharpton's new MSNBC show

I made a New Year's Resolution to stop watching PoliticsNation with Al Sharpton. I generally feel his heart's in the right place. I respect some of the work he's accomplished. But I think he's a horribly annoying television host. Constant outrage combined with inflexible partisanship and continuous yelling is not my cup of tea. I preferred the previous fellow at that time slot, Cenk Uygur. I'd much rather see someone like Ta-Nehisi Coates or Boyce Watkins in the role now. MSNBC has become a mirror image of FOX. So the other day when I made the mistake of breaking my resolution and turning on MSNBC between 6 and 7 PM imagine my surprise to learn that Al Sharpton, Eugene Robinson and Professor Cornel West have agreed to host a new prime time talk show for MSNBC starting for the fall season! 
The new show is titled "Loud, Confused and Confusing".*
Here's a cut from their pilot:
Sharpton"...AND AS I WAS SAYING THE EVIL REPUBLICANS CONTINUE TO OBSTRUCT OUR ANOINTED ONE! YABBA DABBA DOO WE SEE YOU!!! DO YOU THINK WE'RE STUPID? WE GOTCHA! NEVER RAN NEVER WILL BROWNSVILLE!  WHERE'S THE TELEPROMPTER? WHO MOVED MY TELEPROMPTER? DON'T BLAME THIS DRAMA ON OBAMA? BROOKLYN IS WITH YOU! WHAT? WHAT!!!GENE! WHAT DO YOU THINK!!!????

Eugene Robinson: "Uhhhh.hmmm...ehhhhh.... ahhhh... I don't know... ehhhh what happened was...ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. It could be possibly understood to be mmmmmmmmmmmaybe..."

Sharpton: "WE'LL COME BACK TO GENE LATER WHEN HE GETS THE MARBLES OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!! DR. WEST , WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THIS EVENING? I HOPE IT'S SOMETHING INTELLIGENT!!"

West: "Well thank you Brother Sharpton. I'm happy to be here this day. You're my brother and I love you. Although you are I must say brother a two faced buck dancing bug eyed sellout apologist clown for the capitalist establishment military industrial complex that was foreseen by dear brother Eisenhower, fought against by brother Martin and brother Malcolm and our brothers and sisters in the Panthers, peace be upon them, and resisted to this day by insightful and concise brothers such as myself who understand that every brother ain't a brother, brother Sharpton, because if you were a brother, brother Sharpton, you would have ensured that so-called brother Obama didn't misplace my tickets to his inauguration, but that aside brother and don't think I forgot, the powers and principalities that we fight against today are inherent in the violent contradictions between patriarchal racist capitalism and its establishment of a white racist power structure and the more holistic peaceful multi-cultural multi-national gender equal and non-homophobic Christianity which our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ preached and for which he was lynched by the same Romans, that is to say power hungry imperialists, brother, who hold power over us today. We must refuse to assimilate the values of this technocratic patriarchal culture and build a progressive bulwark against reactionary running dogs who have lost their mind. Can I get a Amen, brother?"

Eugene Robinson: "Ehhhhhhhh..ahhhh I see the problem here ahhhhh.. If I could just inter-ahh-ject ..."

Sharpton: "SHUT UP GENE! PROFESSOR WEST? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY? ARE YOU SAYING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT OBAMA? REALLY??? TALKING ABOUT OBAMA IS LIKE TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA! "

West: "I'm not quite sure what I said but it sure did sound good didn't it? Say some words with me brother Sharpton. Antidisestablishmentarianism, post-modernist debate, third wave feminism, cabralista, don't these just send a thrill to your heart?"

Sharpton:"JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK ON LOUD, CONFUSED AND CONFUSING!!! DAMMIT WHO KEEPS MOVING MY TELEPROMPTER???!"

*This is obviously a parody and not meant to be taken seriously. I respect all three men. But they do amuse me sometimes...