Book Reviews: Everything Has Teeth

Everything Has Teeth
by Jeff Strand

Do you like horror stories? What kind? What is the point of a horror story? 

Is it to give you chills? Should it make you think about society's various "isms". Is it to make you laugh? 

Or should a good horror tale disgust you? 

Should it make you run to the porcelain throne and lose your lunch? Should it make you wonder about the probity or mental stability of the author? 

Is a good horror story something that you hide from friends or family members lest they think that you are morally bent?

Is a good horror story something that makes you feel guilty for having read it? 

Is a good horror story something that makes you want to see the author and his/her publisher hauled before Congressional Committees for televised denouncement? 

Or is a good horror story something that makes you keep the lights on a little later than normal or jump at some unexplained nighttime creak on the stairs or scratch at the window? Jeff Strand is a writer who is able to evoke all of the above responses in the reader. 

Strand tends towards the "splatterpunk" end of the spectrum which means that many of his tales are quite explicit in their imagery of violence or disturbing sexuality. 

This is an acquired taste. As with any other thematic tool, there are some writers who use this type of display as a crutch for bad writing or otherwise cliched stories. 

And then there are authors like Strand who write stories that would often be just as interesting if they were less explicit. 

Everything Has Teeth is a just under 400 page collection of about 35 of Strand's short stories and novelettes, some of which were previously published in other venues. 

Most of these stories have humor involved, though sometimes it can be hidden and dark. Some standouts include: 

• "It's Bath Time": A boy tries to convince his parents that the bathtub is actually a hungry monster. 
• "Alien Face": A vengeful man discovers that the serial killer who murdered his niece also discovered proof of the existence of aliens.
• "Dead Bigfoot On The Lawn": A trailer park resident learns his girlfriend has some desires he can neither satisfy nor tolerate.
• "The Origin of Slashy": A female serial killer explains her reasons. The reader might even be sympathetic.
• "The Tipping Point": A man and woman going on their first date to a restaurant that the man can't afford find out that thanks to strange events around them a maxed out credit card will be the least of their problems.
• "The Sentient Cherry Cola That Tried to Destroy The World": Self-explanatory.
• "Dad (A True Story)": Strand gets serious and remembers his last days with his father. This is going to hit hard with anyone who has lost their parents or who has aged parents.
• "Bad Bratwurst": A German shop owner considers different and highly illegal ingredients for his sausages.
• "The Car": Two vampires, one smarter than and more arrogant than the other, squabble over Monopoly rules. 
• "A Flawed Fantasy": A woman explains to a man why his sexual fantasy is inappropriate.
• "John Henry, The Steel Drivin' Man": A darker take on the African-American folk legend.

So your mileage may vary with this subject matter. Strand is not for people who don't like horror stories or who just want to dip their toes into the shallow end of the horror pool. For everyone else their enjoyment of this work depends on how much explicitness they can accept in service of a story. Again, Strand finds humor in the oddest situations.