Movie Reviews: Wish Upon, The House

Wish Upon
directed by John Leonetti

The good thing about this bland horror film is that it generally avoids jump cuts. That's unusual these days. There are deaths of course. It's hard to make a horror movie without them, but by genre standards this is not a particularly bloody or grotesque film. On the other hand it's only infrequently a scary film. The writing is pedestrian. This story is something I've seen done much better on early Supernatural or Friday the 13th episodes. You pretty much know from almost the first five minutes how the story is going to turn out. The only question is who is going to get it in the neck along the way.  This movie was also a reminder that time waits for no one. People whom I am used to seeing as the hot sultry babe or young dashing rake are now playing respectable, stolid, wrinkled, greying, middle aged or older parents and neighborhood residents.  And if they are still around in another fifteen years or so they'll be playing grandparents. So it goes. Anyone who has every watched any horror movie knows that if you find an antique of uncertain provenance with warnings in languages that aren't easily understood, it's usually not a good idea to bring that item home. Anyone who has watched horror movies also knows that when you get something that's too good to be true, it is too good to be true. 

There's always a price to be paid. I guess that it says something about human nature that this basic lesson is one that we seem to need to learn over and over again. There are no free lunches. So maybe we use horror movies to illustrate who we are as humans. 

Perhaps movies perform part of the role previously played by grandparents passing down practical moral guidance about how to live life.  One person who hasn't learned that there are no free rides is Clare Shannon (Joey King).  Clare is a less than attractive (and King is well cast here) high school girl who's neither rich nor popular. She lives with her widower father Jonathan Shannon (Ryan Phillippe). Jonathan is a former musician who currently earns a living by reselling junk. Clare thinks it's bad enough when her father drives her to school in his beat up pickup. But she really can't stand it when her Daddy and his partner/friend go dumpster diving on school property. Jonathan is a widower because his wife/Clare's mother committed suicide when Clare was a very young girl. Clare's neighbor Mrs. DeLuca (Sherilyn Fenn) keeps an eye on Clare. She occasionally offers a woman's perspective to Claire, but no one can replace your mother. Not really. Except for her two best friends (Shannon Purser, Sydney Park), Clare has no companions at school. She's usually ignored by boys and thus dateless. She's mocked by the more attractive and wealthier girls, especially Darcie (Josephine Langford) who routinely goes out of her way to bully Clare.  

One day while rummaging through garbage cans Jonathan finds a music box with what appear to be Chinese inscriptions. Knowing that Clare is studying Chinese, her father decides that this will be a perfect gift for his daughter. The script is very old and unusual. Clare can't make out most of it. But she can decipher the part about seven wishes. After a particularly ugly incident with Darcie, Claire half jokingly, half seriously wishes that Darcie would just rot away. When Darcie inexplicably contracts necrotizing fascitis, Clare is happy. But then she's saddened when her elderly dog suddenly dies. Can you put two and two together? Because Clare can't or won't do that until much later. Clare's life changes for the better. A classmate with a crush on Clare, Ryan (Ki Hong Lee) knows that something's not right. He tries to help Clare even as strange occurrences pile up around her.

As mentioned there aren't (m)any surprises or new ideas in this movie. You've doubtless seen the story before in a million different variations. An interesting subplot about quantum physics and the nature of reality is raised only to be dropped immediately. Wish Upon's biggest problem is that it's just not scary. It also has certain people believe too quickly in the supernatural while other folks behave stupidly for the plot. This was okay if you are in the mood for light horror but all in all not a must-see movie. Think Mean Girls mixed with Drag Me to Hell with Final Destination thrown in for good measure. 
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The House
directed by Andrew Cohen

The House was produced by Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin.
Will Ferrell is a skilled actor with a rubbery expressive face and a talent for physical comedy. He can be either straight man or man-baby clown. He has the ability to make the most ridiculous seem normal and the normal seem ridiculous. But even he can't save this film. This movie must have been funnier in its initial conception and development than it was on screen. There are one or two set pieces which may make you chuckle one or two times but that was about it. This movie relies on (1) setting up stereotypes and then undercutting them (2) gross physical humor and (3) parodying better known movies-most specifically Casino and Office Space. My problem was that it was soooooo very predictable to set up the expected stereotype and then reverse it. Everyone does that now. It would have been more interesting to set up the character stereotype and then roll with it.

Scott (Ferrell) and Kate (Amy Poehler) are small town middle class people who haven't done a whole lot with their lives. However, they have raised a smart attractive daughter Alex (Ryan Simpkins) who has just been accepted into Buckley University. Fortunately there is a town scholarship to pay for Alex's college education. However, the scummy town manager, who happens to be having an affair with a married councilwoman. eliminates the scholarship fund in order to build a new town pool. Well the good of the many outweigh the good of the few. Scott and Kate need to come up with a lot of money fast. They can't get any more money out of their home or raises at work. 

They decide against their better judgment to go to Vegas with their gambling addict neighbor Frank (Jason Mantzsoukas) to try to win enough to pay for their daughter's tuition. As you might imagine that doesn't work out. But Frank has another plan. Although he's a degenerate gambler he knows the house always wins in the long run. So why not set up their own casino in their neighborhood.  The husband and wife can make enough money to send Alex to college while the pleasantly loony Frank can earn enough to lure his estranged wife back. In no short time the trio is taking bets on fights between demented housewives, extending credit to law firm partners, throwing beatings to delinquent debtors, and attracting the attention of local police and mobsters. Wash, rinse, repeat.

This was a dumb movie with almost no redeeming value. About the only funny thing was watching Ferrell do his Ace Rothstein impressions. But if you want to watch Poehler vomit, or squat and relieve herself be sure to put this one on your list. I don't know if the potty humor was more offensive than the idea that folks who have never run a casino or dealt with very dangerous people could do all of that without problems. This would have been more interesting as a black comedy with the couple being surprised about how far they would go to get their offspring into college.
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